Tuesday, October 5, 2010


You know you hate it when people talk about "the one" like its some form of self completion, but more often than not you need to think of this "one talk" as a form of self reassurance. You are however old (insert number here) take a look at the years, which have passed and notice the number of potential partners (or past relationships), which have entered your life. Then think about how those potentials did not work out. Could this likely be that there is actually ONE person, which you are destine to be with and you simply have not met them yet? Of course you will have to go through a lot of frogs before the prince, if there is only ONE person that you end up with. My slogan is, "yes, you are single, but you are single for a REASON." And no this reason does not include the notion that you suffer from Murphy's Law, are Medusa or have the worst luck in the world when it comes to men. Everyone has the worst luck until they find the right person. And yes there is always that fucking asshole who claims to never having a bad track record with the opposite sex, but let's face it, the brutality is apart of the selection process. Nothing is wrong with you, some people simply find their partners later in life. I hate to say it though, for others, they might find a partner too quickly, settling for something 'good' when they could have something 'great'. Not every couple you know together right now is going to make it because sometimes we learn better in 'a thing' oppose to being outside 'of a thing'. Certain signs opt for solidarity while others crave security. You could probably force a relationship right now if you wanted, but it wouldn't be right and this is why your waiting, right? You're just not that desperate and that's a good thing.

But listen girl (and any boys if you have some to add to my list I would love to hear) here is a list of situations, which thematically will likely cross your path during the dating game. It doesn't mean your crazy or destine to die alone. You'd be surprised by how many other women/men have experienced similar shit experiences.

1) You meet a guy at a club - he feeds you sweet nothings- you go home with him - you try to date him - he pretends he cares then tells you he still has feelings for his EX/is getting back with her - done.

2) You meet a guy and right off the bat he tells you he is emotionally unavailable, never had a serious relationship and keeps a distance between himself and everyone else. He also tells you how good looking he is and how often he gets cruised - RUN.

3) You meet a guy who like to meet/greet every girl more than once at least once a day - even though he has a GF he tries to make you feel special and is constantly flirting/watching you. Remember, if anything does happen with you two, he's going to do the same thing to you, can you handle it?

4) He just started sleeping with you and already he is punching out your harmless ginger friend who he sees you talking with at the bar - RUN.

5) You go over to his house and you find other girl's earrings, barrettes, and possibly a used condom wrapper or a long unfamiliar hair, and yet he doesn't seem to show any shame. This is the 'using honesty as my get out jail free' guy. His I don't give a fuck 'tude basically says. 'take it or leave it'. SO....take it or leave it.

6) You sleep with a guy and he gets all religious and Christian on your ass during and after. Telling you he's worried you made a baby, and sleeping together on the first night is bad. He feels guilty - he has sinned -he can't see you again - you shouldn't see him either.

7) You invite a guy to the bar (after a few night of previous passion) and when you come out from the bathroom you see him making out with your friend. Get a new guy and maybe some new friends while your at it?

8) You meet a guy who always texts you back, maybe even on the weekends, but never directly asks you out or shows true interest through a sexy compliment. Don't waste your time, this guy is just craving attention and likes the validation, plus he's lonely and will use you for his own comfort of knowing girls are texting him...you don't have to be one of them.  Trust me, he literally gets excited that he's getting texts, it makes him feel like the man, but this guy is a serious pansy type.

9) You make a date with a guy or what you THINK is a date. This is the guy who invites you over to his house but doesn't ask you out, and when you show up the guy is wearing a wife beater and underwear and wants to watch the princess bride with you and his roommates, but before he movie can end, two chicks from Lavalife.com show up just to say "hi." If this has happen to you, you are allowed a couple of emo days to feel like you have shitty luck with men because this scenario is actually shitty, and kind of hilarious too.

10) You meet a guy/girl who is really quiet and annoyingly introverted during the day, but when drunk expresses feeling and is a lot of fun. You find yourself drinking on a Monday, or wanting to spike their drink while their in the washroom - this is a doomed situation.

11) He/she goes home with another person the next time you see them - which is likely directly after you've just slept with him - move on. They are giving you a direct hint.

12)He/she courts you, sweeps you off your feet, and makes you feel like a million bucks. Then they drop the bomb on you that they are dating someone else and offer you their t-shirt to sleep in or their bobby pin to put up your hair - probably not the most sensitive of creatures - you won't be able to handle the mistress role for long.

As you can see, there are many, many different types of red flags, which you can chose to avoid, but I say enjoy these experiences. One day you will be old and boring, you might as well endure a little crap to give your life some interest - while you still can. These encounters don't make you unlucky they actually make you more likely to meet the right person one day. The more people you meet/write off the better because you will be thaaaat much closer to eliminating all the wrong people, and in turn, will know what you want/won't put up with a lot better.  So if you have a top 12 list of shitty situations where it didn't work out - don't be sad - be happy - because it shows you that people ARE attracted to you even if they happen to be emotionally unavailable. Eventually a person who IS on your emotional frequency will show interest in you. It's only a matter of time...so don't think too much ...plan some personal goals...and then let the attractions happen naturally. If you find you only discover more 'what not to date' dudes and ladies - don't worry - someone good is gonna pop up, but likely when your randomly doing you, not thinking about it, possibly even wearing your casual 'not trying to look hot' outfit. Keep sifting. October brings out the crazy, but it also brings out the costumes, this is a GREAT month to meet people for casual encounters and dating. People are feeling spicy but also cold...they'll need someone to warm up to.

I will be updating "the list" so if anyone has horror stories I would love to hear them!!! There are a million more, and while many might shed the theme that a guy will say anything to get you into bed, even if there is someone one else or he's not really available because his ex-finance beat him up and that's why she's his ex fiance - don't take it personally, and don't think OMG I'm such a slut, I'm not going to sleep with any more dudes - because you're not. It doesn't matter. With the right person there are no rules. Withholding sex isn't going to trap you a man. If your not right, your not right, fucking on the first date won't change that - just like it will NOT decrease the chances that he is.

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