Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Moving on.

Your friends are constantly telling you that you can do better. They make hideous facial expressions when you bring him up. Its clear you have a sickness, which I call, 'boy disease'. Meaning a boy has so perfectly failed to give you what you want that you spend all day and all night making yourself sick over him. He's infected you, and this so called infection can happen to guys as well. If left untreated it starts to spread, and eventually infect everyone around you, and will continue to infect, until you feel ready for treatment. Unfortunately, you are the only person who can make it stop and the only person who can provide treatment.

How Do You Make It Stop ? 
(These are tips but no means solutions)
  • Write a letter. Put everything you want to say to him/her, all your inner thought and personal feelings. Never send it. Keep writing to yourself as a form of therapy.You might think he "needs to hear it" but in truth those thoughts and feelings are yours. He doesn't care for them nor does he know what to do with them.
  • If this doesn't work or your not much of a writer, talk to yourself. Some people write prose or even song lyrics - this works. I've even heard of girls tape recording themselves and playing it back later - self-form of brainwash?
  • Try to do stuff for yourself that makes you feel good, like joining an acting class, or a co-ed Urban Rec sports team.
  • Work out or eat ...whatever you prefer, this blog is not health focused. Though exercise is a really great way to burn off feeling. You can literally run this fucker/fuckette off. Or lift them away through iron pumping. 
  • Spend time with people who know you well and won't judge your frowning face, but at the same time people who cheer you up and make you LAUGH.
  • Remind yourself of the last guy you thought you'd never get over. You got over him right? well that's concrete evidence that you will get over this jerk as well. 
  • Keep in mind however that not every sign is capable of letting go of their past loves. Taurus, Scorpio, Virgo, Leo and sometimes Aries or even Pisces will have a hard time letting go of someone they really loved because this true feeling of 'being in love' is rare for these signs
  • If you said I love You but know now that you don't feel this way presently, you likely do not match the eternal love I just mentioned. Some signs have reported that they "will always love their exes" this is a testament to those who really loved, and to that annoying person at the dinner table talking about how fortunate they have been to have had so many great loves. Great. You're a rarity. 
  • Aquarius will have mixed feelings because 'I Love You' isn't common here either. If they were hurt in the love situation it could take them eons to let go or to open up the same way. They might opt for polygamy instead. They will find their way back. 
  • As it has become apparent time is most crucial component to moving on. People often suggest getting under someone else, but I think this is poor long term advice. It is great temporary advice however, unless that experience goes to rye as well. I suggest taking a solid three months (one month minimum) which you spend celibate and self focused. During this time you write the sad letters to yourself, pig out, work out- then get drunk with your best friends.
  • Keep in mind alcohol might be a trigger of sadness in the early stages of 'moving on' you don't want to get the liquid courage to drunk dial or leave him a facebook rant. 

  • If you insist on drinking make sure his number is not in your phone or saved in some secret place your mutually drunk friend isn't able to locate through her own knowledge. 
  • Make a pros and cons list to remind yourself of why didn't work. There is likely a 'deal breaker' in there, which indicates the fall out like "he cheated", "I don't trust him", "I'm always hitting on other guys and calling them on my own time", "he's Jewish and won't accept my separate religion..."
  • if you COULD have a guy who matched more of your 'wants' is it really worth staying with someone who meets your deal breakers?
  • Remind yourself there is nothing wrong with being single.

  • Apart of your fear in letting go is the fear that you don't want to be alone. Admit it. It's nice to have someone to fall back on for weekend plans and sex. Even if your fight with your girlfriends - you always have your guy right?
  • Society deems being single as a scary thing after a certain age. "He's never been in a serious relationship OMG RUN!" In reality, you should stay single until you find the right person....
  • and when i say "right person" i mean someone you don't question. Nothing and no one is perfect but if you never have to question the love you feel for him then you are in the clear. Those couples who still seems really into each other, are just that, really into each other. It what I consider to be a healthy relationship, even if the constant rubbing it in and PDA does make me sick sometimes. 

  • Dye your hair as some form of retaliation against him or as a catalyst for drastic change. Why make yourself look ugly just to show you don't give a fuck? I can almost guarantee it won't look as good as it does naturally (or how you had it before).The hair change thing is starting to get pretty cliche if you NEED to change something I think bringing him off in the gym whilst getting fit is the best bet. 

  • Make your recovery process about him. Like "I haven't messaged him in ten days" etc.  This includes going to places that you KNOW he will be. Maybe he will acknowledge that you look good but its not going to change anything that matters between you two. Make moves for you. Do you. Don't keep doing him even after he's hurt you. The chances of you running into him on the street wearing that skirt he likes aren't as high as you think. May as well say to true to your own style, pace, and personal goals.

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