Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Santa's Secret Sex Signs

The cold has a way of making you think that you simply cannot get hot enough, but oddly it also evokes a need to be warm metaphorically though the expression of love. To feel love, to express love, make love, make new friends, get a new job, take a crazy trip, and do, cheesy, traditional holiday inspired activities. I become nostalgic with the notion of certain traditions and holiday experiences, which are coming up. For example, I always associate snow with emotional chaos, intensity and change. Perhaps you can acknowledge a weird winter pattern or superstition of your own. I encourage you to look at where you were this time last year compared to the current year. How have you changed or digressed? Are you wiser? Happier? Is there something to look forward to? Is there something or someone holding you back?
 Anticipation is life’s gifts. Not knowing what can happen, or what might not, mystery IS the key to good living. Be extra cheesy and think of life as a Christmas gift, you don’t know what those pretty, well wrapped boxes contain. Just as you do not know what life contains for you. So cast bad days away because there are still good days to come. And for those pounding away at school – the hard work of this will also pay off. Once you are done you have weeks off to get your alcohol tolerance back up and you won’t even have to pick up a single textbook if you don’t want to. Bitching about work never did anyone any good so spend that time working instead, you’ll be surprised to see how much you can accomplish if you simply shut up and put your mind to the task at hand.

Santa's Secret Sex Signs

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) - I KNOW
Rules : Shins and Ankles  
Aquarius guy is a closet hypersexual –-they are attracted to everything. The Aquarius man (The Visitor) is popular for being an 'equal opportunists' simply meaning that they admire beautiful things all over the spectrum: different shapes, colors and sizes. Water Carriers are attracted to variety (as they are capable of finding something beautiful in everyone) –- they like pretty things, but are also the types to find odd things attractive, things which others might not. For example, they could dig the spunky girl with hot pink and purple hair or the unique face tattoo. They aren’t always up for the conventional conquest because they are naturally attracted to the abstract. The weirder the better. So be prepared for odd taboo or quirky comments in the sack. He might be thinking about other people while he’s nailing you…with such an active mind Aquarius can’t always control his sexual inhibitions just as he can't force them. If his head isn't into it neither is his dick. Thinking too much leads to satisfactory performance by Aquarius and perhaps a little too much conversation. 

Aquarius girl (The Vision) will be surprisingly freaky. “Lady in the street- freak in the bed” syndrome is active here. Her level of natural day to day intelligence (or feminist perspectives) often make men think she isn’t that sexual of a person, but she is, and can be very secretive about all of her true sexual encounters. The type to say we “messed around”, but we all know what that really means. Like him, she will intellectualize love and sex to the point of driving herself crazy. Sometimes their thought processes interfere with the natural growth of Aquarius's love quest.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) - I DESIRE
Rules : The Genitals/Sex Organs 
In the case of the Scorpio man ( The Stranger)– he literally expresses his very being through his penis – emotional dick. Out of every male zodiac sign this one is the most likely to have difficulties “arriving” or even getting wood because his brain, his dick and his heart are all one. He may be able to stay hard (always), but will have troubles cuming especially if alcohol is involved (but let’s face it, every man in the zodiac is a victim of this). He loves sex (though a A-sexual Scorpio guy is never uncommon), and it’s NOT a personal thing, but this happens. The penis in the case of a Scorpio male is highly emotional, which is why sometimes he can’t get up for it. In this case, it might be personal, the mind and the penis have to be on the same page in order for this to work right. He’s a sexual being, don’t get him wrong, this is how he expresses his love, but sometimes timing is everything.

Female Scorpio (The Specimen) – will have a hard time living without sex. She will hump your leg when she is drunk. She simply just needs humps every once and again. She’s a natural grinder. She has fantasies, which she can never share with you. Her sexual fulfillment is really important to her in a relationship. Be ready to serve up sex on the regular if you expect to keep this woman happy.

Pisces –(Feb 19-March 20) - I BELIEVE
Rules: The feet 
The fish doesn’t know when to stop. Sex becomes an addiction here. They will treat it like they do Mary Jane, booze, and nicotine – anything that they feel they have to have – they will act like they need to have it. Combined with booze the sexual need will only increase and become more desperate. Pisces needs compassion and tenderness – they can be chatty, but crave the time of ‘shutting up’ in which sex can be a silent expression of emotions. “Ssssssh be quiet cuz your body talks better when your silent.” Pisces guy (The Drifter) will often be just like that - here today - gone tomorrow. Constantly in an emotional state of fluctuation, the male fish will flee to and from comforts. He may never know exactly what he wants, and this means that he will never be able to reject you to the degree that you need him to in order to move on.
 Pisces Girl (The Dream): Will do the opposite of the male fish. She still will cling to anything that gives her what she "believes' she needs, though often it is not the right investment for Miss. Fish to make. Physically, Pisces women are usually very feminine and attract many suitors sexually, but her apparent sexuality will drive men in and out. Fish girl - don't use your sexuality to get what you want - demand friendship first, you have a lot of powerful qualities that will provide to be prosperous to you if you take the time to engage properly. Remember in being the master of "I believe" you can re-direct your own beliefs onto something positive if desired. If you believe you deserve bad guys or shitty sexual experiences -then this is what you will get. 
Sag (Nov 22- Dec 21) – I AM
Rules: The Hips
In terms of Sag man (The Maverick)There might be a short wind here – there is a lot of passion instilled in this being, but this passion can’t always hold up and will lose sail quickly if over stimulated. Sag is the sign of stimulation and the constant need of it, so the desire can be short lived just as the pursuit for it will die in similar degrees. Sag can also become soooo passionate that they can't hold out. Sag is the most likely to silence and bury their personal desires, which is why Sag man needs a partner who can bring out his level of perception. They often want things but aren’t always capable of vocalizing what they want – instead they will accept what they think they want in the sack. Sag man needs a woman he can talk to. Someone who can challenge his brain and increase his aptitude for love making.
Sag Girls (The Maven) - don’t sacrifice your own pleasure to please your man. Don't "become" the girl in bed you think your partner wants. You live in the world of fantasy and dreams, and know, better than most what your fantasy boyfriend is - don't be afraid to communicate these desires. You don't have to please your partner to the point where you lose self pleasure. Be the selfish girl that you know you can be!
Taurus ( April 20-May 20) I HAVE– 
Rules: The Throat (ever wonder why you like your voice?)
The bull is suppose to be the nympho of the Zodiac – in that he/she can never get enough. While this may be true in some cases, Taurus still has a preferred window for action. As a Taurus woman (The Ideal), her love making might become completely scripted and scored to a routine, which will bore in time. Think outside the box Taurus, and find new ways that are exciting and fresh for you and your partner to explore. If she’s “tired” she’s tired and you may not be getting any. She also is a true fan of the longevity of a partner. If he can't go long enough for her to 'get hers' then she is NOT truly satisfied. She can be rough too, she’s not the cheesy “make love to me” type, though every Taurus enjoys some sensuality from time-to-time.  She also enjoys some aggression! You might hear a Taurus girl say things like, "I'm alway down", but that's not true, she's down if she feels like being down and that usually isn't when she feel esthetically compromised. She wants to be perfectly put together for her partner from her nails down to her toes.

Male Taurus (The Idol) has the ability to be great in bed, mind blowing, but only if they are interested in you will they explore the oral world and beyond. Ladies, this man will likely avoid your mouth for kisses just to get his – this doesn’t mean he is into – simply that he is into getting off and then getting out. He can like it rough and animalistic – hair pull, butt slap…possible *bite*
This is the sign of stage-5 clinger :
keep in mind, sleeping with Taurus could very well mean you are calling them your SO within the next week. If Taurus guy likes you he WILL be on you like white on rice, he will not let up. Just as she will play implicit mind games to get what she wants. This is the sign of possession – if she think you are hers – watch out - you're mine!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)– I THINK
Rule: The Hands 
Distraction is Gem’s worst aspect here – they are "touchy feely" flirts. Even if they don’t cheat-cheat- they are mental cheaters. In bed, they will likely be very giving – Gem’s use sex as an emotional expression but also as a form of ‘feeling better.’ “If I got laid I might feel better.” They need a certain level of attention, which they often satisfy through endeavors with the opposite sex. Mental connections are key in achieving a true sexual connection with a Gem. They get off on big brains, witty humor and a chemistry of the mind.Gemini guy (The Goodfellow) will have an emotional layer that speaks to a feminine nature, which means he might 'act like a bitch' in certain situations, whether that be in the sack or during the break up process. You might wonder where his balls are from time to time.
Gem girl  (The Gift)– you don’t need to get laid to get rid of those icky, insecure feelings. You might get off, but do you still feel like a winner on the walk home? Sex isn’t a problem solver or a form of Prozac – like all chemically induced feelings – it will fade.

Aries  (March 21-April 19)– I AM
Rules:The Head (giving or getting it)
The most likely to fuck you and feel nothing or even fuck you for years and still feel nothing. Aries man (The One) is the least likely to form emotional attachments, but when they do – they are super hard to get rid of. Don’t expect cute shit in bed or lots of loving comments because they will not come, and when they do you’ll blame it on the goose, blame it on the Henny, blame it on the alcohol. Aries man is an athletic lover, he flexes his 'manhood' in bed. He is into himself and therefore doesn't like to show weakness in front of a lady. He will hide from her what he is ashamed of - anything that makes him feel less of a man. He sees women as sex, and identifies with them as everything opposite of his masculinity. He recognizes her sexuality before he recognizes her as a person. Aries men are prone to be misogynistic in some aspect, and will exercise this control either in bed or other dynamics of the relationship.
Aries girl (The Original) – she’s a natural porn star. Seriously, you could film the performance – though you might need to turn down the volume. She’s another attention whore at heart, so she’ll want to be the star of the show (or any show really.) She’ll take- take- take if she can but when invested, or truly in love, she will give- give- give- give. Or give because she “likes it” sometimes its really just for her and not as much about you as you think it is. She needs her sex like a daily remedy and is often known for shacking up with partners who are 'not good enough' to exercise her own need for power. She's the best. First string. She'll be nice enough to let you be a close second.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) –I USE
Rules:  knees (you on yours)
This is another sign who truly needs to step away from the routine love making and step into a more creative pursuit of love. While there are some wild, saucy Capricorns who do manage to fuck outside the box, out of all the earth sign, Virgo is the most interested in switching lanes and trying new things in bed. Virgo is most interested in the pleasure of their partner. Capricorn is hard to break from their comforts so in acknowledging this - you will be able to expand and please your partners in new capacities. Capricorn guy (The Stickler) will put work and stress before his sex life. His decision are often over calculated and he misses out. Try to experience something more impulsive. Stop going for the safe place - sometimes its okay to be late for work or sleep without the comfort of your night light.

Capricorn Girl  (The Sleeper): Your excuses of being tired are getting tired. You need to wake up and take your desires by the reigns. You are a secret fantasy freak, and you unlike most, etch the details of your dream man in your head. You want a perfect partner, but you also want a perfect looking partner. The elements of well bred, well dressed and well financed suit you well, but it's time to look beyond the list on paper and into the realities of who can you really, truly connect with? 

Virgo – (August 23-September 22) - I ANALYZE
Rules: The Stomach
As expressed above, the Virgo doesn’t want things to get boring or predictable in bed – though they might – and he may act comfortable with this, but not for long. Virgo man (The Vehicle) wants you to lose all sexual inhabitation, be totally free and committed to the moment. He wants to please you. Like his coined alias "the Vehicle"  - he wants to drive you. Virgo is the sign of service, and he will gladly give you a tune up. Virgin by brand maybe, but this zodiac virgin is anything but an innocent, inexperienced virginal bitch – if anything, they will be masters of the sex – as long as they are in the mood for it and you are willing to be the apprentice. Guys for this sign are known for being totally un-sexual and sleepy once they arrive, so get the best of him before he blows the load.

Virgo Girl (The Vessel): She may appear very shy and innocent, possibly a clear representation of her virgin symbol, however much like Virgo man, she wants to feel the heat between the sheets. She likes privacy, but once she feels comfortable, and perhaps that no one is around - she will come alive. She is a vixen in her own right. She will get her pleasure, but at the same time provide service to you. A Virgo woman, is always very helpful.

Leo  (July 23-Aug 22)– I WILL 
RULES: The Heart 
This is the true lover of the zodiac – you will feel the passion in his/her kiss. You will feel protected by their hold. For Leo guy (the natural) booze will affect his abilities to arrive, but he won’t have the problem of being ‘ready to go’.  Remember, he's "a natural" and this is especially relative to love making. Leo can sex you up like Marvin Gaye. There might be a struggle for power with certain Leo men who won’t like you to be too dominate in bed. Top dog syndrome applies here. Yes, Leo boys do enjoy girl on top and oral pleasure but sexually, there is a part of any Leo who still needs to be the center of attention.He wants to 'do you.'He also wants you to fantasize about him, and only him. He won’t like to hear about “other guys” or see you standing next to a Hotrod calendar licking a hunk.Still he's too fucking proud to ever admit he's jealous.

Leo Girl (the Knockout) - She's one of the best flirts in the zodiac. She knows how to exert her talents and good traits well, even if she's the shy Leo, she knows how to play her cute card. Like Leo guy she'll want to take charge in bed. She'll perform tricks, she'll juggle, dress up as a fruit basket. She'll do whatever - as long as it satisfies her personal desires and drama. Big drama or small drama there is something special and paramount about love making with a Leo. She is a firework. She is a vibrant spectacle, capable of putting on a very good sex show.  

she wants her cake AND a cupcake too!
Libra( September 23- October 22) -I BALANCE
RULES: The Butt/the Back
Seduction is often a pastime to the Libra, who enjoys the art of seduction/flirtation just as much as they enjoy sex. This is the switch hitter of the zodiac. They’ll take top or bottom – whichever hits the tone of the mood. They are open, free-spirited and uninhibited on their flight. Libra guy (The Character) is like Peter Pan on a regular night, desiring to stop by many different windows, and then fly off yet again. Libras are very affectionate, and will go to great lengths to please. As long as they are being pleased back, Libra does not have a problem with this. Keeping the balance is key here, and a motive, but sometimes the balance will be off. Libra might be down on themselves or feeling like they can’t make up their mind about their feelings, and with this the sexual flame with flicker, but keep in mind, Libra is a warrior of sorts, who always finds their way back onto the right back. They are excellent at playing stupid too, but they always know better, trust me, they always know.

Libra Girl (The Charm) : Try to pull away from tentative thought. You weight potential outcomes out too often and usually you don't need to be worried. You should vocalize and express your needs in bed. You know you have a resilient nature, but your partner is not a mind reader in any aspect. If annoyed, you should say so and not stay mum at the fear of rocking the boat. Libra girl is also capable of being a true player if desired because she like Libra guy wants to  peep inside many different windows. 

Cancer (June 21 –July 22) - I FEEL
Rules: The Breasts
This sign, like Pisces is sensitive to life and this involves his ability to get an erection at trying times (or even when he feels nervous/intimate/really likes you). Performance anxiety can occur here. Cancer girl (The Pearl) won’t want to fuck you if she’s angry with you, and Cancer guy (The Player) wont even be able to get it up. Cancer needs to be feel protected in bed, and wants to believe the connection is about the lions and the feelings.
Cancer’s not the biggest on one night stands so don't let "the player" title fool you. Most Cancer guys are one-woman men, though there are players, and wandering eye dogs in every sign including this one. Cancer is "the player" because he has a playful nature, a strong sense of humor and a zesty approach to life. Women are drawn to him naturally.  He is the master of sensuality. He might also be the type to throw out the romance or really cheesy lines in bed. He has a dirty side but its coupled with sweetness, and everything you desire, right?

Regarding the body parts which each sign rules, it has been documented that each is an erogenous zone, so explore this revenue if interested. Though, I am sure not EVERY Virgo is turned on by a tummy tickle etc. 

Check out this amazing book called "Sextrology" by Starsky + Cox for a deeper read on the star signs :


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