Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Fear: "I Just Don't Want a Girlfriend Right Now."

 Likely you have been put in the situation where you meet a guy (whom you are wildly attracted to), party with and often end up in bed with. You seem so perfect for each other in so many ways but despite the connection you sense the fear of commitment. No matter how many times you may have tried to cut him off (or how many times you tell yourself that your not looking for commitment either) he winds up back in your life. All the while you keep wondering, is this going somewhere? Instead you might find him saying those eight special words, "I just don't want a girlfriend right now." Yes, there are usually eight because the RIGHT NOW part is an indicator that one day he will want a girlfriend but it probably won’t be you. There may be several other indicators involved in this statement, which may honestly have nothing to do with you. When your friends say, “you could do so much better”, they really mean, in no way, shape or form would you two ever make sense as a real couple. In a playful world, he could either be The Dog Type, which is the guy who never feels his right to check out other women should be taken away. He is the kind of guy who will fuck around until one day he  meets who he feels is the closest thing to "the perfect girl" and gets married. He will get married but will likely be the kind of guy who needs to have his ego stroked, and will hit on other women, and flirt with other women, and is not unlikely to cheat. He will likely be the guy who makes it clear to you that he finds you attractive. The type of guy who says things like, "I never do things like this but I just feel this connection with you." The guy who messages random hot chics on facebook and tries to spark a flirtation because he is bored in his current domestic situation. He never really wanted to commit and therefore will spend his life conjuring up conversations with other women. 
Secondly, there is the hurt guy. He literally wears his heart on his sleeve, he might even fuck around, and a lot, but emotionally he is dead to you. He thinks all women are capable of evil and heartbreak and he is not ready to show any form of emotional commitment. He's scared of getting hurt again and brings his baggage into his relationship with you. Sociologists says men are the first to fall in (I'm skeptical of this part) and the last to fall out. So it makes sense that hurt guy will have a hard time opening up again after getting his heart smashed the first time he trusted in love. He will remain hurt guy until that special 'cure in the sack' comes along and fucks him back to life.
Then there is the asshole, he might think you are cool, but mainly you are a piece of ass to him. As horrible as it sounds, he really doesn't see things beyond that, or at least not with you, though he is attracted to you and enjoys spooning you in the wee hours of a drunken/hung over snuggle. He's not the type to answer text messages and won't keep a steady rapport going with you though he pops up at unexpected hours of the night. The fear can be found in all types of men, some simply don't want to settle for having one, others just can't be alone at certain times (when they are horny basically). Though in many cases, they don't necessarily believe that they have to make one choice. I met a guy who openly told me about his three girlfriends -- he just doesn't believe in having just one and oddly or not found women who were okay with this concept. 

Regardless, here is a quick astrological take on how ‘the fear’ might occur in each star sign. 

Aquarius ( January 20 –February 18) 
He says the sweetest things or sends you the best texts, words illustrated in a way to paint your face with a smile, but he's surrounded by women, either of the past or present nature. He is never without attention, and won't give you the direct responses that you crave. The sexual connection will be well matched but emotionally he will be a confusing cross word puzzle with no answers. You're attraction to him may be paramount but if you have reason to suspect your not the only one or that this 'isn't going anywhere' -- it likely isn't. He won't give up the flirtation either. Aquarius has been known to pop back up with cute compliments and flirtations to females of their past even when they find someone to commit to. Aquarius, instilled with fear and doubt, is often left to let his mind roam even if he eventually becomes sexually committed to one woman. I reckon that many Aquarius men engage in affairs, are suspect of cheating and contribute highly to the divorce rate.
Taurus: (April 20-May 20
He won't let you know what he's thinking right away no matter who you are, but if he's keeping you around there is a reason for it. Taurus moves slowly but surely when interested though they are stubborn in their approaches and won't always give into the temptations of relationship island. They are simple in that they need to eat, sleep and fuck in no particular order (but all equal in priority of necessity.) They desire a relationship that provides these natures, along with a trust (as this is a highly jealous sign by nature.) Don't think that just because he's fucking you and 'hanging out' that's he's not into you. He might just want to cuddle, have sex and talk about the new LRG clothing he bought from a catalog. He's a simple man, and most likely won't string you along without some kind of interest, though he's afraid of giving up his animalistic tendencies. Don't fight him for control. If you do -- it won't end well. He's not going to do anything that he's not ready for so don't try to prompt him. He's more so the type to fuck you and never call, and then see you out somewhere drunk weeks later and tries again. If he's apologizing to you after a long 'no contact zone', don't fall for it, he's only acting out of selfish motives.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
This is one of the worst case scenarios because even if you do get an Aries guy, it usually is quite short lived. He's better alone or at least that's what he thinks. There is a misogynist hidden in many ram men who feel their soul purpose with women is to dominate and control. They live to protect themselves from pain. They shield themselves from emotions and rarely tell anyone how they really feel. "I love you" is hard to come by. He may be a lot of fun but if he's not telling you how he feels or letting you take the reigns in terms of planning some aspect of your courtship -- he's just not that into it, and it will take a world-wind of  a woman to change this fearful Aries commonality. He's a man of infinite control, out for himself, and isn't likely to put you first (or before him) -- unless you are really special. He'll use you for sex or for whatever else he may "need" a woman for (and he won't be afraid to ask you to help out with his shit list), but he's not about to shift his universe to suite yours. If you got hurt by something he said or did, remember, it's not you, he'll likely be fucked up for a long, long time and no, you are not the culprit of this emotional damage. He was fucked from the very start.
 Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
This is the type to fuck with your head because he's not going to directly tell you to go away though he will drop hints of how he "doesn't believe in love right now." This is the sign of intelligence and reality, and because he doesn't butter you up on whim you'll find yourself trying so hard to get the validation. The non-committal types will string you along, Virgo hates to cut ties unless they absolutely have to. They love attention, and will get it from a variety of different suitors, even if this means desperately texting an old girl mate to get some late night flirtation. Because they have natural feminine energy they fight to be more masculine than they are, when in truth they are really Mama's boys. This is the type to fuck and flirt with anything until they find what they feel is "the perfect girl." Virgo is on the path to perfection so if you feel like there is reason to question his intentions and desire -- then there is -- move on, he's never going to move out of the neutral mode, and he won't stop criticizing/sizing you up in the meantime, no matter how good the sex might be.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
  The trouble here is he needs a lot of stimulation and adventure. He can easily move 'on to the next' if you don't strike his fire. He can be the ultimate player because he's charming and likes to be hospitable to the ladies. Have you not noticed how GREAT he is to your hot friends? He loves attractive women but isn't as coy about it as he should be. You might think he's 'too good to be true', but in reality he's not true at all. He's on the path of self-pursuit and wants to feel like the man of the hour. He might even remind you of what a big deal he is, which is really code for small penis syndrome. He might hide behind his success or his past relationships because he's "sooooo busy with work" and can't see you. This is bullshit as you make time for what you want to make time for. Sag will simply hide from you, in every aspect( except sexually) because opening up, in a true, true, no bullshit form is very difficult for him. You might want to try challenging him -- though if he's all over the map -- he's just not into it. He's busy, sure, but "busy" here is a simple exaggeration for,  "I like the attention but I'm just not that into the idea of us."
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Air signs are the worst, especially mutable air signs like Gemini who LOVE women and surrounds themselves with female attention. He might be that guy who feels the need to stroke the back of every woman he talks to, but his attention span is shorter than an ADD child. He can't help but notice the attractive women who are roaming about because he's not always capable of limiting his attention to 'just one girl.' He can't let you go though, if he's into you, in some regard, he'll want to keep the attention of you, and that other girl, and that other girl etc. If he gives you false commitment he can be prone to cheating especially if he hasn't mentally matured. Young Gemini is so attracted to beauty he wants to soak himself in it. The moment you cut him off, he'll come running back because behind his "i'm so fucking awesome" stance is a very insecure young lad who secretly needs the validation of everyone. If you give it to him too much he'll turn a cold shoulder (or the ugly side of his two sided head), he may have you around, but won't feel like he can't abuse you because he knows he has you. Though the moment you remind him of his tacky ways, he'll be trying to get back into your good graces, is it too late? You be the judge, but prepare yourself for a lot of games, especially of the mental nature. Gems needs a mental connection to propel the sexual connection and this occurs in any case, unless you happen to go home together one night after the bar. Drunk gem isn't mentally responsible for his actions -- he's already moved on, but in the moment feels he needs a woman to make him feel complete. I recently met a 67 (though he looked 40) year old Gemini man who said that he is married with two kids, and if he could go back in time he wouldn't do all over again. He's selfish, and he wants to travel the world and drink wine, and talk to women. 
 Libra (September 23-October 22)
He may seem so sweet, so charming, and of such a good and peaceful nature, but if he's feeling the fear, you will soon feel the shock of his resistance. He'll be everywhere (like the Peter Pan type we've described in previous blogs) but he won't be asking you to join him on his flights. In fact he will need distinct separation from you, whether that be jamming on his bass for hours at end or spending countless amounts of time with his stoner/video game buddies. Regardless he will avoid you, and avoid any form of emotional conversation. The option for it won't even be on the table, and you will fear having the "where is this going conversation" because you know what he will say. He will lay down some hippy bullshit of how he doesn't believe in labels and that things should evolve naturally and without manipulation. He'll turn it around on you so that you feel like the bad guy for even asking in the first place. You make him feel weird emotionally and this fear will be unmatched because he won't be the same to you after that. The moment he knows how you feel or that you are trying to own him, he will separate himself from you, in such a distinct way that you feel like you two are oceans apart. He will be attracted to beauty of all kinds, and like all air signs he will flirt on the side. Like Lil' Wayne he likely wishes he could fuck every girl in the world, but he won't necessarily act on it. His eyes wanders -- his eyes may always wander, and if it's wandering a little too much then let that be a sign to you.

Capricorn (December 22- January 19) 
Like most earth signs the Capricorn wants to build upon a solid love relationship, which is why YOU WILL KNOW if this is going somewhere. He's not the type to dabble and if he does, he's really not the right Capricorn for you. He is born with the ability to commit, and he's not the type to take too long to get over past heartbreaks because he craves the stability of a solid, compassionate and trust inspired relationship. He'll be a dick to you if he's not interested. He'll make fun of you and try to mean it. He won't answer texts. He'll cancel plans. He'll ignore you completely and then pop back up (typical of any man really) but he's got a need to be in charge. Because he's so set on having a relationship, he might even commit to you, but will come on strongly to other women behind your back. Telling them things he can get away with because he's "got a girlfriend." He'll be one of those, "I never do this but, I'm just so attracted you" types. You may fall for it, but if he's doing this to you when he's with someone else, why would he suddenly change his suite? He's a bad seed -- move on. Though, I know you can't because the attention makes you swoon, and your addicted to male attention, eh? 
Scorpio (October 23 –November 21) 
Well for those watching the Bachelor it should be telling enough, but for those who haven’t been watching this crap TV show, this means, blatant trust issues, and the ability to woo any woman to wonders – three at a time if needed. Scorpio doesn’t know how to let another person in with wholehearted trust, which is why you will question his true desire to be with you. The fear here is constant, you might actually find yourself afraid of him, and his ability to hurt you so shrewdly without him even knowing it --without him even thinking that he's done anything wrong. He's just being him? Chill, right? So wicked when he wants to be, Scorpio will pull the wool over your eyes because his first instinct is to trust himself and only himself. Any person who tries to take control of this will be bitten, but don’t be surprised if there is a trail, which follows because they are impossible to get rid of. Possessive by nature they still own you, like ghosts if you don’t disentangle quickly -- they will haunt you. His level of “commitment” may never be on the same level of yours if he’s showing these signs of distrust, resilience and self-indulgence. 
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
He’s a slippery slim ball because he is the type to make you his girlfriend, even if he still has “the fear.” Charming Pisces knows how to flirt and knows how to come back into your life at unexpected moments – they are super hard people to stay mad at if you care for them. In his case he has a way with words and text messages, you just think he makes you feel like a million dollars, but he’s too fucking wishy-washy to fit you into his planner because he doesn’t have one. Which is why when he needs you, his persistent as fuck nature won't allow you to say no, though you'll regret it the moment you do (more like the moment after because let's face it you gave in to the sensual temptation).  If Pisces wants to make you a part of their agenda, trust me, they will. They will find ways to make you want them even if that means berating shirtless pictures of himself on the internet. They need the validation and aren’t afraid to go fishing for it. If this fish guy isn’t trying to make you apart of his retro, hip, 'too poor to buy a clock' water world time –you’ll know it. Otherwise keep swimming you might find yourself a Starfish.
Cancer (June 21- July 22) 
When he’s not looking for a relationship he has the ability to be quite the brat. He knows how to push buttons and he will push them. He hates on stupidity of any kind, and will shower himself in women if he feels like he is not in a place to take one seriously. He doesn’t do well “alone” so you might find yourself doing things outside of your casual dating comfort zone, but if he’s not prepared to meet the same demands on your end, he’s not prepared to give you the best of him. Cancer, like the bane of most water signs, craves true love companionship and the comfort of a true relationship, which why they may play the field at time, but inevitably it’s all apart of a selection process. He’ll do whatever, say whatever, but none of which is destine to impress you, and likely this will only make you more interested. The crabby ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude isn’t code for I love you, it’s code for see you later or whenever I feel lonely again.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
He's not a bad guy, in fact, generally he hates to play the bad guy role, but if he's feeling the fear you're going to feel his resilience. For one, you will notice that he puts his friends before you in a big way. Leo has strong loyalty, and if that doesn't mean showing loyalty to the leading lady in his life -- he will stick his neck out for his friends on the regular. You will not come second to his friends because in this case the contrast between first and second is too great to distinguish chronologically. He's more likely to sleep with you and never call again, or to sleep with you and then call again, but only at a time, which works best for him and doesn't indicate that he planned it. It will usually be at the end of the night when he is done hanging out with his friends, and don't expect an invite to that party. He's the type of guy who will only show off what he deems worthy and worthy of him. If this doesn't include you he will not be inviting you out for beers with the guys. IF he does however, invite you out with his friends well, that's an entirely different story...but don't think for a second that he's not judging your performance. 

*Remember none of this is necessarily true. Astrology is just for fun, and yeah, yeah, yeah these insights could apply to anyone, so take it lightly, or don't take it at all --it's not meant to irritate anyone, and no you don't have to believe in any of this.

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