Movemberscopes

MOVEMBER

                                            MOVEMBER

MOVEMBER

So the time has come, once again, for our men to get mo hairy,  mo itchy and mo competitive in order to raise money and awareness for Prostate Cancer. Gents will battle it out with their fellow 'mo bros' to see who can grow the most stellar stash and raise the most cash. Worry not, young lads who know (from current or ex-girlfriends) that they "look better" clean shaven. Any madame worth loving will support her stash-growing creature especially during this occasion. Yes, she is allowed to celebrate after the 30 days are up, but hopefully you both will be celebrating in the amount of pledges recieved. Last year Movember was unforgettably epic, so let's try to double it in size. Even if that means seeing some seriously dirty Schancez stashes because even I (hater of hair) can handle it if its for a good cause. Please check out the following link to learn more on how you can support our fellow
Vancouver teams raising money this Movember season. http://ca.movember.com/mospace/91695/

 
Additional Video regarding Movember Canada:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8FDm_ApS6o&feature=player_embedded#!

Movember (and hopefully in 5 years this will be the official name for the month of November) is an exciting, but also strange time. Movember events, hair growing competitions and wrap-up parties will surely help to add flavor to this month (look out for hilarious blogs of boys documenting their growth and plenty of online jokes to commence.) On the astrological front, this winter month it is a little dry. A retrospective time of pensiveness. For some, a time to buy Christmas  presents (and get excited for this or an upcoming holiday), for others a time to study and hermit, and of course a time for single people to feel really, cold (literally) and lonely (emotionally). You might see some acts of desperation this month as people who are settled in are quite cozy, and those who aren't are a bit stir crazy trying to find satisfying, distractible leisure.

Aquarius(Janurary 20-Feburary 18):


Best Case Scenario : You're flying. You feel like you've got your step back (some of you will call this swag) and you like the things that life is showing you. You might consider career, just to ensure you are in a place that a) it still make you happy and b)  that there is still room for you to grow. Love and life is starting a new chapter. Your tens times the person you were this time last year, even if you don't know it.

Worst Case Scenario: Your getting sloppy.  You'll be doing a lot of shit and likely not feeling very badly about it, but it will set it in, in a grand way, one day soon. Don't isolate yourself because you're afraid to ask others to be there for you - that's what a friendship is for. You don't always have to conceal your emotions or try to cover them up with new endeavors. Deal then peruse.

Aquarius Stash Style: The Anything Go Mo

Gemini:(May 21-June 21)

Best Case Scenario: You feel really good about yourself. Probably because you want to start making sure your being healthy again, and being good to yourself in every way possible. You realize its time to make 'you' a number one priority. You love new projects and plans so if your back to where you want to be this should flow nicely and successfully. People will thank you for the great party because yeah, it really was great. And you were responsible for it. You will be the guy or girl to make the most of their Movember.

Worst Case Scenario: You get a little too bogged down by the winter blues and find yourself with a bottle of Merlot on a Sunday night, snuggled with a blanket watching TV re-runs. This won't last for long, as Gemini is the best at picking up their chin and moving forward, however, if conflicted this month, Gems will face emotional battles, which they doesn't have any desire to fight. Deep emotions are just a bother to Gemini - they don't have time to feel pointless crap. Good thing Gem is a super thinker and can push out of it!

                                                 Gemini Stash Style : The Perfect Stash

Libra: (September 23-October 23)


Best Case Scenario: Lots of laughter and possible travel (I hate when horoscopes say that and I am never going anywhere) so by 'travel'  I mean you might just be literally be 'on the go'. New flirtations will arise. A possible new favorite shirt or dress might enter your closet. Your not trying to live within too many limitations and this has always suited you well. Your surrounded by the best of the best: good people, fun invitations and endless excitement. You feel like a regular "it" person.

Worst Case Scenario: You start to change your position drastically from what you were feeling in months prior. You are a moment to moment person but if conflicted this might take an impulsive change, which won't be admired by loved ones. Everyone always wants you to be happy, charming and fun but the pressure of that can be exhausting at times. Sometimes you just want to be with no one.

                                                  Libra Stash Style : The Silly Stash

Leo: ( July 23-Aug 22)

Best case scenario: You have let go a lot of things that used to bother you (or were still bothering you, but no one knew) and found a inner peace, which doesn't make you feel like you need to prove yourself to anyone. Your happy and you will find ways to itch those scratches of boredom, which might taunt a Leo, but you've grown a lot. Maybe what or who you used to think you needed you now realize that you don't, and it feels good.


Worst Case Scenario: Your letting your ego get the best of you. Either making yourself feel like shit for noting because you don't feel ' good enough' in your own eyes. Or working so hard you haven't really been able to enjoy life. Your not really sure what you enjoy anymore. Though, you do, you're just getting into this 'whatever' zone where you have to focus yourself back onto your talents and passions. Utilize your strengths. You have many.

Leo Stash Style : The Flamboy' Mo

Pisces: (Feburary 19-March 20)

Best Cast Scenario: Your not letting trivial stuff get you down. You learning to relax and let things go. You're actually able to accomplish something and not just last minute. You've gained a strange confidence lately or a new sense of self worth. Your not going to put up with what you might have in the past. You are learning to see yourself the way others do because if you didn't - you might not think much of yourself and you should. Keep with this positive attitude. People and potential suitors will be drawn to you.

Worst Case Scenario: You let the weather put you in a mood, which only you seem to understand. Everyone else just thinks your being weird. Don't personalize everything. Its great you want to help but if its has nothing to do with you people are just going to think your odd for getting emotionally involved. Train your heart to pick the places it should be - and that shouldn't be everywhere. Finding work that satisfies, pays or sustains will be challenging and frustrating.

                                                  Pisces Stash Style: The Pensive Mo

   


Cancer: (June 21-July22)

Best Case Scenario: You've got high times in your life, either coming up or past, which are swimming in your mind. Either you just met someone or have a little crush, but either way your feeling pretty good about yourself and your charm. Your letting yourself find a sense of enjoyment in any situation and remaining calm while doing so. Your great in a crisis these days and an excellent multi-tasker. You will make the most out of any month.


Worst Case Scenario: You start to cave in the Cancer shell for reclusive, self time. Really you've just lost your mojo to party, which is rare for you. Your not as up to make the efforts. More inclined for comforts you can trust. You also aren't finding things as funny as you used to. TV sucks. Your bored at work. You need to surround yourself with people who make you giddy and get you out of the rut.

                                                    Cancer Stash Style: The Funny Mo


Scorpio :(October 24- November 21)

Best Case Scenario : You starting to feel a sense of happy, sexy, independence, which has been missing from your life for a while. You feel stable and can a see a blurry future of where you are headed. You've been wanting a blueprint for something or someone and now you might be able to see more clearly. Answers are coming to questions youve been asking for far too long. Even if the answers aren't what you want to hear, don't let this mess with the momentum you've recently built for yourself.


Worst Case Scenario: You too fall into the winter madness of really bad days, and then OK days, and then no-so-good days. You become an unpredictable person because your feelings are changing too much. If you've been in a good mood lately keep it, but keep it mind that tact is worth a lot more than shrill. When conflicted Scorpio wants to claw out, well put some mittens on and chill. You often think you can block stuff or people out and that you don't have any needs, but everyone needs.If you start to have a more functional, conventional relationship with others, you might not feel so strange when you suddenly need to reach out. Don't fear people - fear yourself - you are the only person preventing you from having what you want or need.

                                                     Scorpio Stash Style: The Sexy Stash


Sagittarius: (November 21-December 22)


Best Case Scenario: Your high score in whatever sport you play, awesome at the office, claiming new rewards and reeling in all kinds of deals. You feel elated because you and yourself have done some really wonderful things these days. Your working hard and the pressure you've been putting on yourself is paying off. You feel like you are on the right path in more than one avenue of your life.

Worst Case Scenario: Your feeling like a bit of a jerk because as a Sag you hate to lose or miss out and this in turn dictates their whole mood. Even if your Canucks lose your suddenly in the most unbearable mood.You've been boggled down with sickness either of the mind or the heart, and again this pisses you off because you don't like anything or anyone slowing you down. You're getting tired of keeping secrets, but aren't ready to give up the ultra special, extra private relationship, which you have with yourself.

Sag Stash Style : The All-Man Mo

                                                        




Virgo: (August 23-September 22)


Best Case Scenario: You've finally gotten over your shy bump and can moderately say how you feel. You're taking more chances, maybe raising your hand in class more or finally found the courage to ask "that girl/guy" out. You have a new found sense of confidence, in which, for a moment, your not secretly self criticizing yourself. This in turn brings upon more attention, and there is nothing more that a Virgo likes then attention. Even if he or she might be too coy at times to ask for it.

Worst Case Scenario: You put off everything and anything that asks you to face a consequence. You think this is smart, that it is benefiting you, but its keeping you back from developing into a mature human being. You don't want to answer to anybody, but at the same time you don't truly want to hurt anyone. There are certain people, few people who you actually care what they think. If Virgo finds that they have let down these people, it will be hard for Virgo to persist through. Therefore Virgo should be extra careful this month. Don't use people as a punching bag for your moods and frustrations. Instead, let others help you. Trusting just one person might prove to be very powerful.

 

Virgo Stash Style : The Smart Stash

Capricorn: (December 22-Janurary 20)

Best Case Scenario: You will feel a sense of contentment within your life. Either you are excited about something new that is happening or you will be considering a calculated change. A best case for a Capricorn is having nothing to complain about, killing it in the office/kitchen and still finding time for homely comforts. Capricorn will feel at ease if they know that they have people to support their simple desires. People who accept them just as is.

Worst Case Scenario: You aren't being as true to yourself as you think. You're constantly second guessing yourself and end up writing off things before you even get a chance to experience them. On the other hand, your all over the map with your thoughts. Figure out what it is you want, but accept it if you can't get it and don't try to be something your not just to impress another person. Your true self will always shine through even if you think your not being yourself.

                                               Capricorn Stash Style: The Serious Stash

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Best Case Scenario: The 'love' in your life is serving as an excellent comfort. Those away from loved ones are missing the bodily comfort, but are able to appease loneliness with nostalgic reminiscing. Aries will be good if they are on top at work and play with room to take care of their demanding self needs. This means time to make it to the gym, time for fun or even time to catch up with friends. Aries will shine if they accept the good and stop asking for more or searching for better.

Worst Case Scenario: Satisfaction won't come easily to the conflicted stubborn headed ram. Loose ends will drive the ram crazy and out control. Instead of tears you will see anger and possible spazzing. Aries won't be able to communicate their feelings and will become tortured by their unique form of self denial. This will push loved ones away because they will not understand what is happening. Don't keep people in the dark. You will be surprised how far being honest with yourself will take you.

                                            Aries Stash Style:  The Curly Mo Courage


Taurus: (April 20-May 20)


Best Case Scenario: The bull is the most materialistic sign in the zodiac, so many will feel glee shopping and getting prepared for one of their favorite holidays. Taurus loves to find great gifts that are just perfect for the receiving party. They will sip their favorite holiday drinks and enjoy good food, good friends, good wine and good laugh. A holiday Taurus heaven. There will be gifts coming soon too. This makes Taurus happy.


Worst Case Scenario: Change still hasn't come. Taurus is slow to make moves but craves to make them desperately. Finding the courage to do this will be hard because Taurus is so hard pressed into stable routine and regularity. Love will be steady or stubborn depending on the situation, but Taurus will have to learn to vocalize their concerns more if they wants something to change in either work, love or play. Financially poor Taurus will hate this time because they won't be able to participate to their full potential.

Taurus Stash Style: The Stubborn Stash

I hope everyone will pledge our Movember men to help raise money for Prostate Cancer.  I feel these are the most effective forms of fund-raising because they bring people together in a good way for a good cause. Good memories and good times. Best of luck out there boys!

Horror Signs For Her

                                       My Favorite Virgo Rapper, Nas on the Female Star Signs:
                                          THE VIDEO FOR THIS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXNUR_GoQrI&feature=related

Girl what's your astrology, Virgo?

If so, you the same sign as me

Gemini's are fly, the kind I need

Love Aquarius and Pisces

Can't leave a Libra

I live life day to day

Let a playa play

Supportin' my women

All my Capricorns and Scorpio women

Leo's and Cancer, girls be bad

Only sign I can't deal with is Sag

Confusin' my enemies

Never losin, clever movement

Act smooth where the women be

Amused by my energy

When they choose me

I just tell 'em the music's my remedy

I just swell 'em and leave 'em swolled

And girl this is somethin' that you need to know - NAS

 

As requested, below are the horrorscopes for females signs. Please remember this is all in sheer fun. It is an exaggerated portrayal of how a "scary" case of a woman might appear under their particular sign if conflicted,  but by no means are these accounts remotely accurate or meant to offend anyone. This is solely in the spirit of Halloween and comical amusement. If you are a CUSPER read both:

  Aries/Taurus:  April 14 to April 23
 

Taurus/Gemini:  may 15 to may 25

Gemini/Cancer:  June 16 to June 26

Cancer/Leo:  July 17 to July 27

Leo/Virgo:  Aug. 18 to Aug. 27

Virgo/Libra:  Sept. 17 to Sept. 27

Libra/Scorpio:  Oct. 18 to Oct. 28

Scorpio/Sagittarius:  Nov. 17 to Nov. 27

Sagittarius/Capricorn:  Dec. 17 to Dec. 27

Capricorn/Aquarius:  Jan. 14 to Jan. 24

Aquarius/Pisces:  Feb. 13 to Feb. 23

Pisces/Aries:  Mar. 15 to Mar. 25

LEO(July 23- August 22) This Chic is just a little too into herself -if you know what I mean. An open narcissist, meaning she does not shy from letting you know that she IS into her own shit. For example, she doesn't want to talk about you. She would rather talk about her new profile picture. While your having dinner, she isn't looking you in the eyes because she is updating her status, maybe even saying "she's just about to have dinner @ The Keg. Nom. Nom. Nom." She has fans. She must alert them. Leo girl has a heart, but if 'horrible' she won't be able to see beyond her own reflection. She will get lost in herself. She is that girl that messages your EX or starts a roaring fight because she doesn't like her throne being threatened. She has to have one up. She is greedy and wants full control of the limelight. As a lover, she will be dramatic, highly emotional and spastic. She will create drama over nothing simply because she is bored. She'll cheat. She will be a flirt and be an attention whore, possibly dragging you places that you really don't want to be in the first place. Likely because she just had to "show her face". She probably just got her hair done or something vain. (Leo will also hate me for this post because it not a form of flattery, something every Leo can't get enough of.)

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): She is maybe the cheapest woman on the planet. She counts every penny, and if she knows she can get some sort of 'deal' she'll be in there like a dirty shirt on Tuesday. This becomes annoying in a relationship because nothing is experienced without an entourage of authority. Let's talk about how much we spent aka let me yell at you for spending too much (but yet she can spend whatever she wants secretly). She is little-miss-know-it-all and what she says flies. Her ears are entirely deaf to the oppositional voice, she would much rather be in charge. She tells you nothing of what she is really feeling or thinking. Everything emotional about her is kept private. She doesn't like to lose EVER. Her need to win will piss the shirt off anybody at least once. Gambling addict, race track lover, or board game junkie - this woman loves to play a little too much. To make matters worse she will boast afterwards and rub all her success in your face. She's not willing to share either. She'd much rather things be her way so if you're interested in taking a back seat - hop on, or hop out because she's going with or without you.

PISCES: (February 19 - March 20) She's a moody bitch that's for sure. One minute sweet as sugar, but then suddenly she will rear an ugly fish-head of disaster. A mood unmatched. You will get nervous before saying hello, wondering what kind of greeting you will get. Emotions run high, when it's good, it's really good, but when it's bad it's really bad. She's sneaky. She snoops. She's the type to go through your phone, your computer, your drawers. She will look for anything to prove you can't be trusted because secretly she can't allow herself to be involved in anything built upon real trust. She prefers to enable, and will enable the weak, make excuses for both her self and her love interest. She is prone to abusive relationships. She will not motivate you to change your junkie, alcoholic ways, instead she holds your cigarette while you take a swig. Way too accommodating, the shitty Pisces gets passed around like a bad habit. She'll never find romance unless she starts to set limitations. Bad Pisces makes great rules but always breaks them. A true addict always calls home for money, but if your dating her, well, she might just steal it from you.

CANCER (June 22-July 22) Cancer chicks are complicated. Either they are too fucking emotional or too fucking inclined to hide behind their humor. Either they are miserable or too happy that you are led to question it. If she's "crazy for or you' like Hart, she will be the clingy type - she might run your show. Wondering why you haven't moved in yet? Wanting to spend every second with you, sending you annoying texts and insisting on staying in and watching TV. She's moody and crabby and can be really erratic and cruel when charged. She is also two-faced, saying one thing to your face but then another behind your back. You will likely feel as though you can never truly understand the confused, aloof shell, which she conceals herself in. You know the evil she is capable of.The worst part of this chic is at times she will try to be like a dude (because she surrounds herself with dudes), sending you short messages, acting like she doesn't care and frowning at proclaims of sappy love. It's a facade, really she just need the male attention a bit more than most and would rather double dip while she can then ever admit otherwise. She just relates better to men, sure. Next time she says this poll how many of those same men she has slept with, I bet its more than two.

TAURUS: (April 20-May 20) She's wants to be the bitch with the most cake. Meaning that if cake was the coolest thing to buy, she'd have a whole fridge full. This princess wants the best of the best and yet she always wants more. She might be good with money, but she also loves to spend it, and if you have it and are willing to give it she can't really decline. Materialistic crack. Though very independent and hard-working Taurus girl likes to be pampered and might turn a raised eyebrow to stuff like camping or 'roughing it' etc. They need their STUFF. She'd rather stay at the Ritz. Very stubborn and very jealous when shitty, the bull girl will also take you down with one blow. Don't mess. She's got the bark, and if you push her hard enough she will roar back. The kind of chic who if you hit her, she's going to hit you back and it might just be a mightier punch than you've got it. There's no way you're in control if your dating this type of Taurus. She has final say. She's fucking stubborn. She'll complain all the time about how she's overworked, or how her thighs are getting fat and then ask you, more than you like if she looks fat. This will annoy you because you really do love her the way she is, right? She loves food so, so, so, much but won't allow herself to enjoy it because she feels guilty after.  She might have some serious scars from her past life battles (and I mean literal scars upon flesh). She's tough. She will cut you and if you are a weak sign she will own you. Total control. Even if you don't know it, you'll still be owned. 

GEMINI: (May 21-June 21) Gossip one day- please another. Gemini is symbolized by the twins, and in a negative case she becomes so dually-natured that she is genuine in her twin switch offs. She might not even remember shit talking you last because when her good girlfriend face is forward, she sincerely is trying to be good again. The bad Gemini however, will be a total mess and will not even be slightly aware of it. She's perfect. She will party, plan, jaunt, sex, play, pine - anything to get away from the mundane. Anything to get away with retrospective alone time. Party. Party. Party. Crash. Party. Gems don't dwell. They have very short attention spans. They are the master of the quick"K I GTG" phone call.  Even if she was dwelling you wouldn't know it. She'll be perfectly put together in a stunning dress, ready to mingle - even if she is secretly tortured inside. She won't compromise herself socially so don't try to embarrass her, she will be embarrassed and she will tell you. Don't step on her fancy shoe covered toes either. She'll need affection and attention so much she might seek it in a desperate fashion or find other people to please her when you don't provide. Be prepared to provide. Be prepared for what -the-fucking-ever.

ARIES: (March 21-April 19) This woman is out of control with being in control.  Like Lady GAGA (Pisces/Aries cusp) "she's a free bitch." She's bossy, assertively annoying and impatient. So impatient that if you just got to a nightclub and there is a mild line she will insist on leaving immediately. Or go bark at the bouncer about how important she is, and shouldn't she be in there? She'll make a scene. She'll get angry and YELL. She'll be self-protective to a fault. You will say I love you, and she won't. She's cold a hearted snake because she doesn't want to subject herself to any kind of real pain. She wouldn't voluntarily put herself through that.  She might be your "really busy bitch friend" that doesn't ever have relationships because she's simply too into her power agenda. How to be the best, how to outsurvive the best, and always take home first prize. #2 is not good enough here, you can always be better, which means you will NEVER appease this kind of Aries in love.
Aries women are often great career women with a natural ability to break the glass ceiling and rise to the top, however, some men find this very intimidating. She wants to be the boss, but so do you, and if that's the case, this isn't the right fit. She will however do the same in a love situation, if she wants it she will take it, she doesn't care who was there before her, if she really wants something and sees it rightfully as hers, she will claim it. Bad Aries is like a stranger sleeping in your bed, you think you know them, but you never really will. You will never be loved more than she loves herself. It's survival of the fittest and "she's fit, but she knows it."If conflicted, she will always chose herself.

AQUARIUS:  (January 20- February 18)She doesn't know what she wants and therefore she gives EVERYTHING a chance. Literally, she might have flirted up your fat cousin and provided the sweet thing with false hope because she was bored. Nothing is ever emotionally enough for her to invest in so therefore she pines in planned adventure, which still doesn't quench her thirsting, water-carrying lips. She's got a mean side. Sunny until flipped over and then her wrath will be released. Don't mess. Bad Aquarius is just as tough as bad Taurus, (which is really why these two are likely to combat.) She is not always going to say nice things about you behind your back. In fact, some shitty Aquarius women meddle in other people's crap just to stir the pot. They enjoy gossip even if they say they don't.  They secretly enjoying seeing other people fail, mainly if they didn't like the person to begin with. She either hates you or can just bloody stand you. Therefore the 'he said/she sad' does appeal to her, but as always, Aquarius retains a sense of nonchalance. She retains an element of supreme weirdness. She loves men and men love her but she doesn't know how to limit herself nor does she know how to commit. She's never going to let anyone tell her what she can and cannot do. If a better, bigger, brighter adventure were to dangle itself in front of her pretty eyes, she would not be able to say no. She can't help that's she an eternal drifter. You can try to catch her but, she will keep running.

SCORPIO: (Oct 24-November 21) She's got some numbers missing upstairs. Her mind is like a war zone of thoughts that only she can keep. She's not ever completely honest with you because she's never completely honest with herself. She doesn't want to reveal all her card to anybody. In truth, even to herself. She just doesn't trust people enough, but perhaps she just doesn't trust herself? She's highly self conscious and it's overtly apparent. She's afraid to ever truly express herself (or her level of love and devotion) because she fears the worst possible outcome. Always. She's not the girl who sees life in rainbow lights, she sees shit in jade. She will reign on her own parade because she doesn't necessarily think everyone or anyone can have it all. Ever. What's happiness? Something nobody should invest in. She's willing to settle for what she has even if she is capable of so much more (remember this is only the shitty Scorpio - good Scorpio is very career orientated.)
She has a shady past or has done shady shit in the present, but she's so great at keeping secrets you'll never know about it. You won't even suspect it. Even if she spent time in jail. She uses sex like a weapon, A very, very, deadly weapon.

CAPRICORN: (December 22 -January 19) She'll think she can do everything that you can do better. You will be able to feel the snob oozing off her plastic smile. She does not understand otherwise.  No. She will look down on you. She'll work like its her life. She'll stick to a routine of life that leaves no room for excitement or spice. Her love is cold and calculated. She doesn't surpass an inch on anything, but has a certain idea of how things should be. Her own personal bar, which everything has to be measured up against. She knows better. She won't be afraid to tell you. Her code of conduct is how she feels things should be at all times. She dictates and you listen. She's fussy and will nit-pick you. She will nag you. She will think everything has to be done 'juuust right' and hearing her say those exact words will make you sick in your mouth a little bit. You will start to feel like you can do nothing right. She becomes soo predictable, you actually start to wonder if she is in fact human.

LIBRA: (September 23-October 23)She takes the cake in FLAKE. Nobody "doesn't know" more that this girl. She just doesn't know. You can ask her, yes or no? And she will say, maybe, but really she just doesn't know. She likes you, but she also sort of likes this other guy from her gym and maybe also this friend of her friend's. She's not the best at monogamy. She has waaay too many friends and they don't mean truly anything but she still wants to play with them. Maybe tie them up.  She is the crazy cat lady, constantly bringing over random friends "to crash". "Babe, Is it cool if Zane crashes tonight?" You've never met any of them before but according to her they are like "best of friends." Fine. Sure. She'll be so charming you won't be able to say no to any of this. Eventually her weirdness and overtly flaky, indecisive behavior will start to bother you. You'll start to shy away from her abrasive fashion choices and question the weird, impulsive, fucked up hobbies that she's into hardcore for a week but drops the next. You'll want her attention but she'll be too busy giving it to someone or something else, but as Nas says, "you can't leave a Libra." This bitch casts spells.

VIRGO: (August 23-September 22) She will want to talk about every detail about every thing. She will nag you. Why didn't you clean up? Why didn't you dress nice? why didn't you write her back? She's analytical to a fault in that she weighs out everything all the time. She sees what is wrong with you before she sees what is right. She can only see in black and white (just as she probably only ever wears black and white...sometimes grey). Psychologically, She might entertain the grey area, but her true values stay with black or white and this means that yes she is judging you. She's always right too. Scratch that - she is never wrong. Self-righteous and stubborn she doesn't bow down to the authority of anyone. Virgos hate authority figures. They are better in charge.Crappy Virgo also hates dirty people, really fat people, unfortunate looking people and people who brag too much. They prefer everyone to look attractive and at all times if possible. If you've changed anything about you she will notice because she lives and breathes detail. She is a fucking detective, natural private Nancy Drew, and she will catch you. She will win because why? She has evidence. And yes because she is always right. If you did the crime Virgo girl will catch you in time. Even if you didn't do it, you still will never be 'good enough' for this woman because a bad Virgin is never satisfied. She is seeking perfection, but still isn't likely to find it in you. Thought she will use you, and milk you for all she thinks your worth. Always keeping you right where you she needs you, but never really letting go just in case she needs to come back.




         *Remember these are just in fun and by no means true or meant to be taken seriously.*

Happy Halloween!

             *H*A*P*P*Y  H*A*L*L*O*W*E*E*N*

It is no surprise that the holiday of Halloween falls under Scorpio. If you ever thought your Scorpio friend or significant other had an eerie, mysterious or even creepy, odd, strange or weird side to them - this is no coincidence. Scorpio is meant to be feared or questioned in some respect. People want to know what Scorpio is thinking and feeling and it often feels like solving a 2000 piece puzzle. This complexity is common with Scorpio who is also, respectively drawn towards darkness - in some aspect. They like weird sexual stuff, tattoos, taboo, and the opposition. They enjoy playing devil's advocate.

For a female Scorpio, she doesn't mind taking the reigns in a group project and becoming the head hyena of the heard. She has balls by nature yes, but, she also wants to excel and trusts only her own control. She's not truly a control freak, yes, she admires control, but its more so that she doesn't trust anyone else to satisfy her personal vision. She is an excellent listener, but this is also a game play, by listening to you she never has to reveal anything personal about her own feelings. She is very loyal (sometimes to a fault of not being able to let go) and will be a vault for your secrets. Again, taking on the mayhem of others does block her from dealing with possible mayhem of her own, and Scorpio girl often prefers this.

• It is not shocking to report that many Scorpio women value career over love.

Scorpio male is a bit different, a lot more introverted, and a lot less bubbly/outgoing. Unless he is what can be known as a "dolphin Scorpio" type, which is a harmless, friendly, super loving, snuggle-Satan type. He will still be 'deadly in some respect. Regardless, Scorpio male is going to keep most of his true thoughts to himself and his personality a mystery. He won't always have his designs set on control in social situations (though romantically he will exercise his need for emotional control a lot more). In fact he might find himself better suited in situations in which control is taken care of for him. He might become entangled with a stronger, more decisive woman like a Gemini or a Leo.

Signs like Libra and Pisces men love Scorpio women because they are attracted to a girl who knows what she wants. They (Libra and Pisces) aren't always capable of making a decision. They need a little push every now and again to get them motivated. They have a lot to offer, but these offerings are best developed through the powerful and stable love of a Scorpio. However, Scorpio might bore of her man lacking gumption in their relationships. Every woman like a man with a little throw down. A woman would never be disappointed if a guy took the reigns and planned a special evening or took charge in the bedroom. You'd be surprised how far a little plan can get you, especially in the eyes of a Scorpion woman.

Can't Sleep?

Can't Sleep? I know the common cure is to count sheep, but one night, try counting sexual partners. For some it might be a lot harder than they think...guaranteed you will forget some because you've likely blocked their memory to begin with.

If you find yourself still wide awake upon completion...congratulation, your not a slut, and can opt for a glass of warm milk or the boring, tedious task of sheep counting. 

Perhaps for others they will never quite complete the puzzle of their "number" but at least they can still have some fun upon the pursuit of rest.

Moving on.

Your friends are constantly telling you that you can do better. They make hideous facial expressions when you bring him up. Its clear you have a sickness, which I call, 'boy disease'. Meaning a boy has so perfectly failed to give you what you want that you spend all day and all night making yourself sick over him. He's infected you, and this so called infection can happen to guys as well. If left untreated it starts to spread, and eventually infect everyone around you, and will continue to infect, until you feel ready for treatment. Unfortunately, you are the only person who can make it stop and the only person who can provide treatment.


How Do You Make It Stop ? 
(These are tips but no means solutions)

• Write a letter. Put everything you want to say to him/her, all your inner thought and personal feelings. Never send it. Keep writing to yourself as a form of therapy.You might think he "needs to hear it" but in truth those thoughts and feelings are yours. He doesn't care for them nor does he know what to do with them.
• If this doesn't work or your not much of a writer, talk to yourself. Some people write prose or even song lyrics - this works. I've even heard of girls tape recording themselves and playing it back later - self-form of brainwash?
• Try to do stuff for yourself that makes you feel good, like joining an acting class, or a co-ed Urban Rec sports team.
• Work out or eat ...whatever you prefer, this blog is not health focused. Though exercise is a really great way to burn off feeling. You can literally run this fucker/fuckette off. Or lift them away through iron pumping. 
• Spend time with people who know you well and won't judge your frowning face, but at the same time people who cheer you up and make you LAUGH.
• Remind yourself of the last guy you thought you'd never get over. You got over him right? well that's concrete evidence that you will get over this jerk as well. 
• Keep in mind however that not every sign is capable of letting go of their past loves. Taurus, Scorpio, Virgo, Leo and sometimes Aries or even Pisces will have a hard time letting go of someone they really loved because this true feeling of 'being in love' is rare for these signs

• If you said I love You but know now that you don't feel this way presently, you likely do not match the eternal love I just mentioned. Some signs have reported that they "will always love their exes" this is a testament to those who really loved, and to that annoying person at the dinner table talking about how fortunate they have been to have had so many great loves. Great. You're a rarity. 
• Aquarius will have mixed feelings because 'I Love You' isn't common here either. If they were hurt in the love situation it could take them eons to let go or to open up the same way. They might opt for polygamy instead. They will find their way back. 
• As it has become apparent time is most crucial component to moving on. People often suggest getting under someone else, but I think this is poor long term advice. It is great temporary advice however, unless that experience goes to rye as well. I suggest taking a solid three months (one month minimum) which you spend celibate and self focused. During this time you write the sad letters to yourself, pig out, work out- then get drunk with your best friends.
• Keep in mind alcohol might be a trigger of sadness in the early stages of 'moving on' you don't want to get the liquid courage to drunk dial or leave him a facebook rant. 

• If you insist on drinking make sure his number is not in your phone or saved in some secret place your mutually drunk friend isn't able to locate through her own knowledge. 
• Make a pros and cons list to remind yourself of why didn't work. There is likely a 'deal breaker' in there, which indicates the fall out like "he cheated", "I don't trust him", "I'm always hitting on other guys and calling them on my own time", "he's Jewish and won't accept my separate religion..."
• if you COULD have a guy who matched more of your 'wants' is it really worth staying with someone who meets your deal breakers?
• Remind yourself there is nothing wrong with being single.

• Apart of your fear in letting go is the fear that you don't want to be alone. Admit it. It's nice to have someone to fall back on for weekend plans and sex. Even if your fight with your girlfriends - you always have your guy right?
• Society deems being single as a scary thing after a certain age. "He's never been in a serious relationship OMG RUN!" In reality, you should stay single until you find the right person....
• and when i say "right person" i mean someone you don't question. Nothing and no one is perfect but if you never have to question the love you feel for him then you are in the clear. Those couples who still seems really into each other, are just that, really into each other. It what I consider to be a healthy relationship, even if the constant rubbing it in and PDA does make me sick sometimes. 

 PLEASE DONT:

• Dye your hair as some form of retaliation against him or as a catalyst for drastic change. Why make yourself look ugly just to show you don't give a fuck? I can almost guarantee it won't look as good as it does naturally (or how you had it before).The hair change thing is starting to get pretty cliche if you NEED to change something I think bringing him off in the gym whilst getting fit is the best bet. 

• Make your recovery process about him. Like "I haven't messaged him in ten days" etc.  This includes going to places that you KNOW he will be. Maybe he will acknowledge that you look good but its not going to change anything that matters between you two. Make moves for you. Do you. Don't keep doing him even after he's hurt you. The chances of you running into him on the street wearing that skirt he likes aren't as high as you think. May as well say to true to your own style, pace, and personal goals.

Seriously Sammi?

As I have expressed before Pisces is a weak sign. Of course Sammi Sweetheart is a fish girl and cannot untangle herself from the man she loves, in this case, Ron often pronounced (rr-aw-n.)
Ron is a Capricorn, a strong, fairly stable earth boy, who is not going to let his ego be attacked by his girlfriend (especially on camera or in front of his boyz). Ron wants a bit of breathing room here, but ultra sensitive, needy Pisces girl can't seem to give him that leverage.

J-Woww is also a Pisces girl, but she falls a lot closer to Aquarius (cusper) and possesses a lot of inner strength and confidence, which Sam lacks. In other words, Jwoww is a dude. She doesn't offer up apologies and holds her head high with a bully-like confidence that Sam lacks. Sam can say whatever she wants but she is not intimidating. Most of the time she holds her tongue and simply walks away. She is too weak to stick out her own battles (battles she likely started.) Pisces is typically 'hard on themself' and Sam is a perfect example of this.  You will hear Sam say stuff like, "I don't even feel like I look cute tonight." And directly after you will hear Ron, telling her to shut up.

The zodiac does deem these two as compatible. Despite the flirting Ron does for the cameras or the ego he likes to flex, he is much more a committed relationship guy oppose to a roaming player type. Alcohol can bring out the black-out-drunk-alias in all of us. The Capricorn is known for the long term relationship because they like stability and comforts they can always count on. They also like being an asshole, but they do have very strong loyalties. Sam however, is extremely insecure and this paired with Ronny's playful ways only leads to constant fighting.

Sam shouldn't take Ron's comments about her looking Asian as an insult. Shouldn't she be comforted that she looks like Ron's ex? He clearly has a type, and most people do. Do you not notice patterns in your attraction? Whether it be signs or looks or occupation - there is a type you go for indirectly. Picking a fight with him for saying, "you look Asian, I like it" is fucking silly. Pick your battles. Sensitive Pisces can't help but personalize words and take bullets right to the heart. Sam is truly going to have to grow a tougher skin/gain some real self confidence if she ever expects to make it work with Rawn.

 

Typical Fish behavior that is dooming Sam:

• Too forgiving - Ron knows he can always get back in so why change?
• Too insecure/self-critical/weak/moody
• Incapable of letting things go 
• needy, passive, weak (we've already discussed how Rhiannon fall into the same depo here)
• falls too hard, obsessively and emotionally- Sam is literally obsessed with Ron, pretty sure Ron is every other word out of her mouth, and every other thought too.
• This Ron obsession also prevents her from focusing attention onto her self. What is Sam's self agenda? Does she even have one?
• People pleasing and compliant - Sam prefers to be controlled, which is why she constantly makes excuses for Ron and lets him run her show sideways.
• Far too sensitive and emotional for most men to tolerate kindly
• Needs way too much validation stamping, which gets exhausting for dudes who are not use to doing so in their daily routines. Ron will straight up tell her to Fuck off, because he hates it when she has to ask. He wants her to just know it. 

 As you know anyone who is the SAME sign as you is consider your 'variable', which means you are either going to get along with them really well (Taurus girls usually love each other though if they combat they will combat - and this will be a fight to get seats for). Or you might get along perfect at times, and others find that person annoying because they are too much like you, want the same things, the same level of control or the same amount of attention and this drives you away. It is typical for us to criticize in others what we don't like about ourselves. Sam and Jenny are both fish girls stubborn in their own self pitying, overtly sensitive positions. They are in constant competition with each other because they both want to obtain the same role in the house, they both strive for the same kind of attention and neither wants to embrace each other's positive aspects, instead, they look for flaw in each other as a direct reflection of their own insecurities and flaws.

In my experiences Pisces and Pisces are likely to clash a lot because Pisces is such a mutable sign and therefore the women born here are usually highly diverse, very sensitive and intuitive creatures who often operate on gut instinct alone. If your not naturally comfortable about yourself its going to make it hard to be naturally comfortable with others, especially with someone who represents you in some regard.

Aquarius- Water carrier girls generally love each other because they are of a friendly, independent, airy nature and know how to play the social game well.

Scorpio- is able to admire the standpoint of other Scorpios even if they don't always get along or hang out - Scorpio is hard to get and elusive any way - don't call them, maybe they will call you...

Leo- loves leo but don't try to outshine the lion - they will compete for the light and the microphone - even if they don't think it - or say it - its innate for a leo to be great.

Gemini - Usually love each other because Gems love to party all the time, lets shit go and have fun. This doesn't mean they aren't talking trash on you behind your back. Don't worry though, its just smack talk, Gems don't often mean half the things they say and next time they see you - they will be nice.

Aries - The most competitive sign in the zodiac. Aries will be your fun, intelligent, fiery friend but they will be in competition with you and validate you rarely - especially with a fellow Aries. Aries will not admit weakness (especially emotional weakness) to another Aries simply because they want to retain power, control and the upper hand. They will likely draw your successes back to them.

Cancer - Even if they did hate you -you would never know. Truthfully, these two probably get together and have really good laughs and good times. When they are both in a good mood it is bliss, but they also understand that people aren't always chipper, especially in the morning.

Virgo - Superiority complex friendship - expect criticism- I love you - but -I-love me- MORE.

Sag- Friends but at the same time perfect strangers who value privacy a little too much.

Libra - This should be good. Both not wanting drama, but good times and good music. Though they will have difficulties making plans together with all that indecision.

Horror Signs

Within the zodiac there are fixed signs, mutable signs,and cardinal signs. Every person who has the same sign is different. There is no one perfect form of any sign, everyone is unique, however, in spirit of type casting -there is always a horror man type, a 'what could happen horroribly' if you will. Below is an hyperbolic, astrological synopsis for the men of the Zodiac. Maybe not everything described will apply but if he was a bad seed, true to form, he might follow suite to some degree.

At one time you might have kept the rose colored glasses on, open and engaged with this fellow but in all likelihood you probably took some undesirable abuse as well.

Constellation			Dates
Aries	The Ram		Mar. 21–Apr. 19
Taurus	The Bull		Apr. 20–May 20
Gemini	The Twins		May 21–June 21
Cancer	The Crab		June 22–July 22
Leo	The Lion		July 23–Aug. 22
Virgo	The Virgin		Aug. 23–Sept. 22
Libra	The Balance		Sept. 23–Oct. 23
Scorpio	The Scorpion		Oct. 24–Nov. 21
Sagittarius	The Archer		Nov. 22–Dec. 21
Capricorn	The Goat		Dec. 22–Jan. 19
Aquarius	The Water Bearer		Jan. 20–Feb. 18
Pisces	The Fishes		Feb. 19–Mar. 20

Aquarius - He will be the most annoyingly obvious flirt with friends that are girls who he clearly finds attractive. And this attraction can be mental or physical but usually these girls aren't ugly. They cheat on you. You might even catch him right handed. He's mean. Like so mean and hits you where it counts too. He gossips. There is likely a few feminine Aquarius boys who might start social trouble. As water carrier Justin Timberlake exclaims in his song Nothing Else, "you had a friend, but he did you wrong, but I'm a gossip sign that reads, reads before. "Aquarius's true horror is his ability to detach himself emotionally allowing him to take down the weak. What you've been dwelling on for weeks he is already over and already onto planning the next self inspired adventure. Even worse, you find it soo hard to stay mad at him because he always knows just how to woo you back with his irresistible flattery and charm. This usually occurs after every "mean episode" where you go into anaphylactic shock because you don't recognize this evil person (who you thought you loved) making you feel like shit. He WILL be great, and yes this means even at your expense. If your the bate of his joke or social gratification, in his eyes, its all well worth it.

Aries - He's the most selfish, controlling (in some regard OR in every regard) emotionally fucked up person you know. Getting vocations of love and validation from him will be hard. His shell is extra hard (and not in the way you want). He'll say it once but he's not saying it again and he might even tell you that word for word. He might never commit to you. He might tell you that he doesn't want kids nor does he have any belief in religion or marriage. He might live with his mother beyond the age of 40. He might have some form of addiction or hidden phobia, a buried insecurity he won't deal with or a horrible past life he never speaks of. Regardless he's not telling you shit, even if you think he is, you don't really know him...and watch out EVERY ram has a temper....don't let it get out of control. The secret with control freaks is they need control so badly that they work so hard to juggle it and almost always lose control of it.

Libra - He can't make up his mind about ANYTHING and therefore picks everything on the menu, never grows up and never wants to.  This includes wanting one tall woman, a short one and one thick woman. He is attracted too many different things and can't decide which he likes best. This is the type of guy who wears jeans to a wedding when everyone one else is in dress pants, thinking he is cool and getting away with it for being an individual, but really everyone is snickering. He's charming to a fault and therefore can never truly be trusted or be invested wholeheartedly with anyone. That DON'T TRUST ME beady eyed look he gives you just makes you want to run away. His inability to let anything in or make anything grow is exhausting. He's stuck in Never-Ever- No-Never-land and you don't quite feel like his Tinkerbell. Too many mixed signals and wishy-washy forms of communication...RUN and find a guy with a backbone.

Gemini - Wow player. Hyper-sexual. Sexual addiction. Pervert. Two face creep with a serious mood disorder, which involves building you up or putting you down on a regular basis. A total split personality that surprises you in the worst ways- like when he hits on your friends right in front of you and expects you to be okay with it or takes a chic into a bathroom at a party with all your friends and family and goes up her skirt. Everything out of his mouth is a lie. Gems never tell the truth and they are the master of their own lies because they believe their own lies are true. When conflicted bad Gem is really bad, and he is a TOTAL party animal. After a couple nights on the couch with shitty bachelor related TV - Gem will be back at the bars partying like a rock star in labeled clothing and shades. And yeah, the fact that he likes to shop more than you do is a total buzz kill.

Taurus - He's a fucking bull headed pride loving whore of a stubborn prick. He needs to eat-sleep- and fuck and not necessarily in that order. He's always right and won't even listen to the opposition. He does not apologize or take allowances for his behavior. He is blunt and to the point. He is crude and offensive. He can be temper boiling and abusive (see previous blog post about Chris Brown) and a typical 'bull in a china shop' on a bad day - and trust me - a bad bull is always a bull chilling in a china shop. A bad bull guy will become his bad mood and because bull's are slow at getting themselves going on anything, or making any decision, the bull will take just as long, if not longer to get out of their bad mood.

Pisces - He doesn't know what he wants but he knows he doesn't want to be alone. He's a fucking money borrowing, job hunting, under achieving child. He will marry you, he will marry your sister or your sister's best friend. All he knows is he doesn't want to be alone. Wait, did I already say that? He's sneaky and snake-like and he knows just what to say to get back into your good graces. Or maybe its more that he won't give up. This guy is so persistent that you've probably fucked him a few times just because he wouldn't leave you alone. He's perceptive, so he likely knew everything he needed to say to get you naked. He's a cheater and a womanizer and pansy at heart. He is the type of guy who might try to use his good looks and charms to milk the goods of a strong woman -don't be fooled you can't fix this junkie - and yeah he might literally be a junkie. The fish is always known to be prone to vices and addiction problems. Don't let his emotional vulnerability win you over - he's a fucker who doesn't know how to swim in any other direction but a circle.

Sag - He's a super selfish narcissist who only cares about his own agenda, which pretty much includes doing whatever the fuck he wants. He'll wine and dine you then drop you. He'll swoop you off your feet in adventure then leave you. He's cheap. He'll remind you of every penny he spent on you,and rub his good doings in your face, like "remember last night, what i did?" He'll pick up and leave whenever he wants and decide not to show up to things you deem as important simply because they don't appease his schedule or suit his personal bill. He's a workaholic-anal-hypochondriac prick who thinks he is perfect. No, honestly, he really is convinced that he has no flaws, just ask him.  He's doesn't like anybody but himself so this sort of makes this hard to take him anywhere cause yeah he won't go anyway.

Cancer - He's a moody -evil-face-making mother fucker who won't let you off the hook. He'll let you know what he doesn't like - all the time. Mr. Grumpy bear. Ok no cute nicknames, he's just fucking grumpy. He'll have a sour demeanor and make jokes about you all the time. He'll make jokes. Flirt with other women in front of you. Get into really serious bummer, funky moods where you actually feel so down you contemplate your own life. He'll actually withhold sex and cuddles and all the things you would think a normal guy couldn't live without. He's moody and stubborn and his emotions put him off sex like a woman. He might actually just suck in bed and lack drive or the will to do it. He might get really fat, sitting watching comedies, which he can't even laugh to anymore as eats ice cream by the pint and never once offers you any.

Leo- he's a fucking cheap-emotion hiding-people pleasing attention seeking whore. Honestly, he doesn't even care if you are there (unless you are bringing him his fresh cooked meal), even if he seems like the quiet Leo type he will never settle for being second fiddle to you. Leo needs to shine, even dick leo, so he doesn't really care about your feelings but more so how you make him feel. If you please this asshole's ego he will let you stick around, but the moment you outshine or start bringing your emotions and drama - is the moment you've got to get out of town - and quick. You might not even know it because Leo is such a show boat but this guy is secretly annoyed at you a whole lot more than you think. He's not going to give you anything without a price or a self gain. He might even just spend all his time with himself because again, he only truly cares for his own well being.

Scorpio - He's a fucking weirdo. The best way to put it. Totally weird and creepy and sexually retarded. Either he'll have a sexual addiction or think sex is something bad and will never be able to get it up. He might have some weird eerie fetish or an addiction to ink, bikes, sex, drugs, rock and roll. He's an emotionally twisted sicko who keeps everything to himself. He has dark, deep secrets, which have corrupted his ability to live happily and without the fear that no one is to be trusted. He doesn't know how to communicate anything, and even though he might try his inability to do this will cripple him. Ego will grow frail because the scorpion will essentially become a caged insect.

Virgo- The most selfish-ego obsessive - misogynistic - controlling- bastard you will ever meet. Expect the unexpected, the craziest of the crazy, and the worst of the worst. Kinky shit in bed. Moods you can't predict. He will be the bitchy, vulgar, PMSing woman in the relationship. He will spend a lot of time alone, possibly alone with his scotch, bottle of choice, muscle enhancers, weed etc. He's a bit OCD whether it be about how many times he showers, how clean his apartment is or how clean YOU are. He is hyper prone to detail and will be the first to notice physical imperfection. He'll criticize you more than any other sign because he secretly feels inadequate, and feels better about himself after cutting you down. This is the sign of verbal abuse and self-righteous bullshit.  Extremely stubborn and emotionally shut down. You will wait with bated breath for something that sounds like a compliment, but even kind words are soaked in disdain. Even more fucked, if he really likes you, he will likely be harder on you. Criticism is a form of love for this man. The shitty Virgo has a superiority complex, which leads him to falsely believe that he is better than others and therefore this makes it hard for him to connect with anyone. He also has a really fucked up relationship with his mother, which - either way- is going to play out really crappy.Virgo is contracted by the relationship he has with his mother and it is usually a very significant one.

Capricorn - Just boring. Either a total pompous, over driven, money hungry ass or a boring, mute piece of shit who has the same stamina of a slug. Heartless and cut throat, with the ability to abuse or discard at any time. Whatever works best for the Capricorn - and ego can be really big  here- too big. Shitty Capricorn will try to take over any room, any situation with an irritating cocky gusto, which makes you want to cringe. Low sex drive or always all the same moves. Bad Capricorn will pick on you. He will make fun of you. This is a form of entertain for the Capricorn who is wily to a fault. He will be hard to love and revert into highly predictable behavior that you tire of. His face says it all - sour grapes. He WILL be a control freak who reigns judgment and shows a contemptuous, and cold side on the regular. Terribly snobby (this is worse if he has money) and holds a yardstick (of his personal standards) up to others.There is bitter, bitter taste left in one's mouth in experiencing bad Capricorn male energy. His high standards come at the expense of hurt feelings and damaged egos.