Thursday, April 14, 2016

Everyone is Selfish.

It might seem harsh, but when you really think about it, there is some truth to it. Everyone wants to feel loved and receive attention, which is why people will wait for you to come to them. If you find yourself at home alone, do you think it could be because you didn’t contact anyone. Or see if anyone was free? You might expect people to think about you. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to see you, but it’s your job to look out for your own needs. You get to a certain age where you sort of have to invite yourself. The selfish desire is that things will fall into our lap. Sadly, the world does not work this way, likely because everyone is stuck thinking this way.

Think about how you are with your phone. How many times do you read messages and reply back later? This is because your life comes first, and obviously you want to put thought into your responses and would rather wait for when you have time. Except sometimes, people might require help in the moment, can you say you would be able to determine when to pick up a call, and when to let one slide?

It’s not only this, people will treat you the way you treat them. So and so didn’t wish you a happy birthday, or whoever didn’t reply to your last message. Is there a harm in being the bigger person? If someone unfollows you and you still like them, do you automatically have to unfollow back? We’d be shocked to know how much our behaviour is based off of interactions like this. When people’s feelings get hurt, they tend to respond in the same way, protecting themselves from what they perceive as pain or rejection.

Sometimes the good things we do end up being about us. We buy gifts waiting for our thank you, and we notice when we don’t get our credit. When certain people forget to make you a birthday collage, or others forget your birthday all together – it really has nothing to do with you. People are trained to expect compliments to be returned, and there is no such reality where one person doesn’t see how much more they are giving than the other. Not to say that there is always one more selfish person in the relationship, but isn’t there? The balancing of egos is hard to achieve, but relationships run a lot smoother when there is some one with an empathic ear present.
It’s like the Friends episode where Joey tells Phoebe that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed, and she struggles to find it. We can’t help but be driven to do things that make us feel good. For some people, that is killing coldness with kindness (satisfying their need for everything to be OK all the time with everyone) for others it is giving presents and making personal shout outs. Whatever it may be, a lot of the “nice” things we do often prove to be self-serving. We live in a nice for nice culture. Meaning, I stroke your back, now you stroke mine.

Selfishness is easily disgusted, but it comes in little doses like a friend who ignores you all night, but suddenly starts talking to you when they needs a smoke. Or when an ignorant, and some-what shitty waitress starts talking to you the moment she hands you the card machine. People’s selfish intentions might be coated in kindness, but their transparency still holds true. The self desires will always trump others, and when they don’t, we may find that we resent the people we spend all our time fixing. Nothing doesn’t come at a cost, and people remember when they’ve slaved it out for you. People move forward with you, but they don’t forget. You have to be mindful of this, knowing that people remember how you affected them, and they will react to you according to how you’ve reacted to them. Some people protect the self far too much, and don't let many things go, while others will know when the self intents of their people are too blatant to ignore.

The point is not to go around calling people selfish, but to recognize that people, In many ways, are built the same. We all want love, attention and success. We all want to be cared for and appreciated. The moment we focus on how we are alike, oppose to how we are different is the moment that we truly make gain in this world. Perhaps it is the moment we stop factoring our own needs into our good deeds.  

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