It might
seem harsh, but when you really think about it, there is some truth to it.
Everyone wants to feel loved and receive attention, which is why people will
wait for you to come to them. If you find yourself at home alone, do you think
it could be because you didn’t contact anyone. Or see if anyone was free? You
might expect people to think about you. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to see
you, but it’s your job to look out for your own needs. You get to a certain age
where you sort of have to invite yourself. The selfish desire is that things will
fall into our lap. Sadly, the world does not work this way, likely because
everyone is stuck thinking this way.
Think about
how you are with your phone. How many times do you read messages and reply back
later? This is because your life comes first, and obviously you want to put
thought into your responses and would rather wait for when you have time. Except
sometimes, people might require help in the moment, can you say you would be able
to determine when to pick up a call, and when to let one slide?
It’s not
only this, people will treat you the way you treat them. So and so didn’t wish
you a happy birthday, or whoever didn’t reply to your last message. Is there a harm
in being the bigger person? If someone unfollows you and you still like them, do
you automatically have to unfollow back? We’d be shocked to know how much our
behaviour is based off of interactions like this. When people’s feelings get
hurt, they tend to respond in the same way, protecting themselves from what
they perceive as pain or rejection.
Sometimes
the good things we do end up being about us. We buy gifts waiting for our thank
you, and we notice when we don’t get our credit. When certain people forget to
make you a birthday collage, or others forget your birthday all together – it really
has nothing to do with you. People are trained to expect compliments to be
returned, and there is no such reality where one person doesn’t see how much
more they are giving than the other. Not to say that there is always one more
selfish person in the relationship, but isn’t there? The balancing of egos is
hard to achieve, but relationships run a lot smoother when there is some one
with an empathic ear present.
It’s like
the Friends episode where Joey tells Phoebe that there is no such thing as a
selfless good deed, and she struggles to find it. We can’t help but be driven to
do things that make us feel good. For some people, that is killing coldness with
kindness (satisfying their need for everything to be OK all the time with
everyone) for others it is giving presents and making personal shout outs.
Whatever it may be, a lot of the “nice” things we do often prove to be
self-serving. We live in a nice for nice culture. Meaning, I stroke your back,
now you stroke mine.
Selfishness
is easily disgusted, but it comes in little doses like a friend who ignores you
all night, but suddenly starts talking to you when they needs a smoke. Or when
an ignorant, and some-what shitty waitress starts talking to you the moment she
hands you the card machine. People’s selfish intentions might be coated in kindness,
but their transparency still holds true. The self desires will always trump
others, and when they don’t, we may find that we resent the people we spend all
our time fixing. Nothing doesn’t come at a cost, and people remember when they’ve
slaved it out for you. People move forward with you, but they don’t forget. You
have to be mindful of this, knowing that people remember how you affected them,
and they will react to you according to how you’ve reacted to them. Some people
protect the self far too much, and don't let many things go, while others will
know when the self intents of their people are too blatant to ignore.
The point
is not to go around calling people selfish, but to recognize that people, In
many ways, are built the same. We all want love, attention and success. We all
want to be cared for and appreciated. The moment we focus on how we are alike,
oppose to how we are different is the moment that we truly make gain in this
world. Perhaps it is the moment we stop factoring our own needs into our good deeds.
