Can't Sleep?

Can't Sleep? I know the common cure is to count sheep, but one night, try counting sexual partners. For some it might be a lot harder than they think...guaranteed you will forget some because you've likely blocked their memory to begin with.

If you find yourself still wide awake upon completion...congratulation, your not a slut, and can opt for a glass of warm milk or the boring, tedious task of sheep counting. 

Perhaps for others they will never quite complete the puzzle of their "number" but at least they can still have some fun upon the pursuit of rest.

Moving on.

Your friends are constantly telling you that you can do better. They make hideous facial expressions when you bring him up. Its clear you have a sickness, which I call, 'boy disease'. Meaning a boy has so perfectly failed to give you what you want that you spend all day and all night making yourself sick over him. He's infected you, and this so called infection can happen to guys as well. If left untreated it starts to spread, and eventually infect everyone around you, and will continue to infect, until you feel ready for treatment. Unfortunately, you are the only person who can make it stop and the only person who can provide treatment.


How Do You Make It Stop ? 
(These are tips but no means solutions)

• Write a letter. Put everything you want to say to him/her, all your inner thought and personal feelings. Never send it. Keep writing to yourself as a form of therapy.You might think he "needs to hear it" but in truth those thoughts and feelings are yours. He doesn't care for them nor does he know what to do with them.
• If this doesn't work or your not much of a writer, talk to yourself. Some people write prose or even song lyrics - this works. I've even heard of girls tape recording themselves and playing it back later - self-form of brainwash?
• Try to do stuff for yourself that makes you feel good, like joining an acting class, or a co-ed Urban Rec sports team.
• Work out or eat ...whatever you prefer, this blog is not health focused. Though exercise is a really great way to burn off feeling. You can literally run this fucker/fuckette off. Or lift them away through iron pumping. 
• Spend time with people who know you well and won't judge your frowning face, but at the same time people who cheer you up and make you LAUGH.
• Remind yourself of the last guy you thought you'd never get over. You got over him right? well that's concrete evidence that you will get over this jerk as well. 
• Keep in mind however that not every sign is capable of letting go of their past loves. Taurus, Scorpio, Virgo, Leo and sometimes Aries or even Pisces will have a hard time letting go of someone they really loved because this true feeling of 'being in love' is rare for these signs

• If you said I love You but know now that you don't feel this way presently, you likely do not match the eternal love I just mentioned. Some signs have reported that they "will always love their exes" this is a testament to those who really loved, and to that annoying person at the dinner table talking about how fortunate they have been to have had so many great loves. Great. You're a rarity. 
• Aquarius will have mixed feelings because 'I Love You' isn't common here either. If they were hurt in the love situation it could take them eons to let go or to open up the same way. They might opt for polygamy instead. They will find their way back. 
• As it has become apparent time is most crucial component to moving on. People often suggest getting under someone else, but I think this is poor long term advice. It is great temporary advice however, unless that experience goes to rye as well. I suggest taking a solid three months (one month minimum) which you spend celibate and self focused. During this time you write the sad letters to yourself, pig out, work out- then get drunk with your best friends.
• Keep in mind alcohol might be a trigger of sadness in the early stages of 'moving on' you don't want to get the liquid courage to drunk dial or leave him a facebook rant. 

• If you insist on drinking make sure his number is not in your phone or saved in some secret place your mutually drunk friend isn't able to locate through her own knowledge. 
• Make a pros and cons list to remind yourself of why didn't work. There is likely a 'deal breaker' in there, which indicates the fall out like "he cheated", "I don't trust him", "I'm always hitting on other guys and calling them on my own time", "he's Jewish and won't accept my separate religion..."
• if you COULD have a guy who matched more of your 'wants' is it really worth staying with someone who meets your deal breakers?
• Remind yourself there is nothing wrong with being single.

• Apart of your fear in letting go is the fear that you don't want to be alone. Admit it. It's nice to have someone to fall back on for weekend plans and sex. Even if your fight with your girlfriends - you always have your guy right?
• Society deems being single as a scary thing after a certain age. "He's never been in a serious relationship OMG RUN!" In reality, you should stay single until you find the right person....
• and when i say "right person" i mean someone you don't question. Nothing and no one is perfect but if you never have to question the love you feel for him then you are in the clear. Those couples who still seems really into each other, are just that, really into each other. It what I consider to be a healthy relationship, even if the constant rubbing it in and PDA does make me sick sometimes. 

 PLEASE DONT:

• Dye your hair as some form of retaliation against him or as a catalyst for drastic change. Why make yourself look ugly just to show you don't give a fuck? I can almost guarantee it won't look as good as it does naturally (or how you had it before).The hair change thing is starting to get pretty cliche if you NEED to change something I think bringing him off in the gym whilst getting fit is the best bet. 

• Make your recovery process about him. Like "I haven't messaged him in ten days" etc.  This includes going to places that you KNOW he will be. Maybe he will acknowledge that you look good but its not going to change anything that matters between you two. Make moves for you. Do you. Don't keep doing him even after he's hurt you. The chances of you running into him on the street wearing that skirt he likes aren't as high as you think. May as well say to true to your own style, pace, and personal goals.

Seriously Sammi?

As I have expressed before Pisces is a weak sign. Of course Sammi Sweetheart is a fish girl and cannot untangle herself from the man she loves, in this case, Ron often pronounced (rr-aw-n.)
Ron is a Capricorn, a strong, fairly stable earth boy, who is not going to let his ego be attacked by his girlfriend (especially on camera or in front of his boyz). Ron wants a bit of breathing room here, but ultra sensitive, needy Pisces girl can't seem to give him that leverage.

J-Woww is also a Pisces girl, but she falls a lot closer to Aquarius (cusper) and possesses a lot of inner strength and confidence, which Sam lacks. In other words, Jwoww is a dude. She doesn't offer up apologies and holds her head high with a bully-like confidence that Sam lacks. Sam can say whatever she wants but she is not intimidating. Most of the time she holds her tongue and simply walks away. She is too weak to stick out her own battles (battles she likely started.) Pisces is typically 'hard on themself' and Sam is a perfect example of this.  You will hear Sam say stuff like, "I don't even feel like I look cute tonight." And directly after you will hear Ron, telling her to shut up.

The zodiac does deem these two as compatible. Despite the flirting Ron does for the cameras or the ego he likes to flex, he is much more a committed relationship guy oppose to a roaming player type. Alcohol can bring out the black-out-drunk-alias in all of us. The Capricorn is known for the long term relationship because they like stability and comforts they can always count on. They also like being an asshole, but they do have very strong loyalties. Sam however, is extremely insecure and this paired with Ronny's playful ways only leads to constant fighting.

Sam shouldn't take Ron's comments about her looking Asian as an insult. Shouldn't she be comforted that she looks like Ron's ex? He clearly has a type, and most people do. Do you not notice patterns in your attraction? Whether it be signs or looks or occupation - there is a type you go for indirectly. Picking a fight with him for saying, "you look Asian, I like it" is fucking silly. Pick your battles. Sensitive Pisces can't help but personalize words and take bullets right to the heart. Sam is truly going to have to grow a tougher skin/gain some real self confidence if she ever expects to make it work with Rawn.

 

Typical Fish behavior that is dooming Sam:

• Too forgiving - Ron knows he can always get back in so why change?
• Too insecure/self-critical/weak/moody
• Incapable of letting things go 
• needy, passive, weak (we've already discussed how Rhiannon fall into the same depo here)
• falls too hard, obsessively and emotionally- Sam is literally obsessed with Ron, pretty sure Ron is every other word out of her mouth, and every other thought too.
• This Ron obsession also prevents her from focusing attention onto her self. What is Sam's self agenda? Does she even have one?
• People pleasing and compliant - Sam prefers to be controlled, which is why she constantly makes excuses for Ron and lets him run her show sideways.
• Far too sensitive and emotional for most men to tolerate kindly
• Needs way too much validation stamping, which gets exhausting for dudes who are not use to doing so in their daily routines. Ron will straight up tell her to Fuck off, because he hates it when she has to ask. He wants her to just know it. 

 As you know anyone who is the SAME sign as you is consider your 'variable', which means you are either going to get along with them really well (Taurus girls usually love each other though if they combat they will combat - and this will be a fight to get seats for). Or you might get along perfect at times, and others find that person annoying because they are too much like you, want the same things, the same level of control or the same amount of attention and this drives you away. It is typical for us to criticize in others what we don't like about ourselves. Sam and Jenny are both fish girls stubborn in their own self pitying, overtly sensitive positions. They are in constant competition with each other because they both want to obtain the same role in the house, they both strive for the same kind of attention and neither wants to embrace each other's positive aspects, instead, they look for flaw in each other as a direct reflection of their own insecurities and flaws.

In my experiences Pisces and Pisces are likely to clash a lot because Pisces is such a mutable sign and therefore the women born here are usually highly diverse, very sensitive and intuitive creatures who often operate on gut instinct alone. If your not naturally comfortable about yourself its going to make it hard to be naturally comfortable with others, especially with someone who represents you in some regard.

Aquarius- Water carrier girls generally love each other because they are of a friendly, independent, airy nature and know how to play the social game well.

Scorpio- is able to admire the standpoint of other Scorpios even if they don't always get along or hang out - Scorpio is hard to get and elusive any way - don't call them, maybe they will call you...

Leo- loves leo but don't try to outshine the lion - they will compete for the light and the microphone - even if they don't think it - or say it - its innate for a leo to be great.

Gemini - Usually love each other because Gems love to party all the time, lets shit go and have fun. This doesn't mean they aren't talking trash on you behind your back. Don't worry though, its just smack talk, Gems don't often mean half the things they say and next time they see you - they will be nice.

Aries - The most competitive sign in the zodiac. Aries will be your fun, intelligent, fiery friend but they will be in competition with you and validate you rarely - especially with a fellow Aries. Aries will not admit weakness (especially emotional weakness) to another Aries simply because they want to retain power, control and the upper hand. They will likely draw your successes back to them.

Cancer - Even if they did hate you -you would never know. Truthfully, these two probably get together and have really good laughs and good times. When they are both in a good mood it is bliss, but they also understand that people aren't always chipper, especially in the morning.

Virgo - Superiority complex friendship - expect criticism- I love you - but -I-love me- MORE.

Sag- Friends but at the same time perfect strangers who value privacy a little too much.

Libra - This should be good. Both not wanting drama, but good times and good music. Though they will have difficulties making plans together with all that indecision.

Horror Signs

Within the zodiac there are fixed signs, mutable signs,and cardinal signs. Every person who has the same sign is different. There is no one perfect form of any sign, everyone is unique, however, in spirit of type casting -there is always a horror man type, a 'what could happen horroribly' if you will. Below is an hyperbolic, astrological synopsis for the men of the Zodiac. Maybe not everything described will apply but if he was a bad seed, true to form, he might follow suite to some degree.

At one time you might have kept the rose colored glasses on, open and engaged with this fellow but in all likelihood you probably took some undesirable abuse as well.

Constellation			Dates
Aries	The Ram		Mar. 21–Apr. 19
Taurus	The Bull		Apr. 20–May 20
Gemini	The Twins		May 21–June 21
Cancer	The Crab		June 22–July 22
Leo	The Lion		July 23–Aug. 22
Virgo	The Virgin		Aug. 23–Sept. 22
Libra	The Balance		Sept. 23–Oct. 23
Scorpio	The Scorpion		Oct. 24–Nov. 21
Sagittarius	The Archer		Nov. 22–Dec. 21
Capricorn	The Goat		Dec. 22–Jan. 19
Aquarius	The Water Bearer		Jan. 20–Feb. 18
Pisces	The Fishes		Feb. 19–Mar. 20

Aquarius - He will be the most annoyingly obvious flirt with friends that are girls who he clearly finds attractive. And this attraction can be mental or physical but usually these girls aren't ugly. They cheat on you. You might even catch him right handed. He's mean. Like so mean and hits you where it counts too. He gossips. There is likely a few feminine Aquarius boys who might start social trouble. As water carrier Justin Timberlake exclaims in his song Nothing Else, "you had a friend, but he did you wrong, but I'm a gossip sign that reads, reads before. "Aquarius's true horror is his ability to detach himself emotionally allowing him to take down the weak. What you've been dwelling on for weeks he is already over and already onto planning the next self inspired adventure. Even worse, you find it soo hard to stay mad at him because he always knows just how to woo you back with his irresistible flattery and charm. This usually occurs after every "mean episode" where you go into anaphylactic shock because you don't recognize this evil person (who you thought you loved) making you feel like shit. He WILL be great, and yes this means even at your expense. If your the bate of his joke or social gratification, in his eyes, its all well worth it.

Aries - He's the most selfish, controlling (in some regard OR in every regard) emotionally fucked up person you know. Getting vocations of love and validation from him will be hard. His shell is extra hard (and not in the way you want). He'll say it once but he's not saying it again and he might even tell you that word for word. He might never commit to you. He might tell you that he doesn't want kids nor does he have any belief in religion or marriage. He might live with his mother beyond the age of 40. He might have some form of addiction or hidden phobia, a buried insecurity he won't deal with or a horrible past life he never speaks of. Regardless he's not telling you shit, even if you think he is, you don't really know him...and watch out EVERY ram has a temper....don't let it get out of control. The secret with control freaks is they need control so badly that they work so hard to juggle it and almost always lose control of it.

Libra - He can't make up his mind about ANYTHING and therefore picks everything on the menu, never grows up and never wants to.  This includes wanting one tall woman, a short one and one thick woman. He is attracted too many different things and can't decide which he likes best. This is the type of guy who wears jeans to a wedding when everyone one else is in dress pants, thinking he is cool and getting away with it for being an individual, but really everyone is snickering. He's charming to a fault and therefore can never truly be trusted or be invested wholeheartedly with anyone. That DON'T TRUST ME beady eyed look he gives you just makes you want to run away. His inability to let anything in or make anything grow is exhausting. He's stuck in Never-Ever- No-Never-land and you don't quite feel like his Tinkerbell. Too many mixed signals and wishy-washy forms of communication...RUN and find a guy with a backbone.

Gemini - Wow player. Hyper-sexual. Sexual addiction. Pervert. Two face creep with a serious mood disorder, which involves building you up or putting you down on a regular basis. A total split personality that surprises you in the worst ways- like when he hits on your friends right in front of you and expects you to be okay with it or takes a chic into a bathroom at a party with all your friends and family and goes up her skirt. Everything out of his mouth is a lie. Gems never tell the truth and they are the master of their own lies because they believe their own lies are true. When conflicted bad Gem is really bad, and he is a TOTAL party animal. After a couple nights on the couch with shitty bachelor related TV - Gem will be back at the bars partying like a rock star in labeled clothing and shades. And yeah, the fact that he likes to shop more than you do is a total buzz kill.

Taurus - He's a fucking bull headed pride loving whore of a stubborn prick. He needs to eat-sleep- and fuck and not necessarily in that order. He's always right and won't even listen to the opposition. He does not apologize or take allowances for his behavior. He is blunt and to the point. He is crude and offensive. He can be temper boiling and abusive (see previous blog post about Chris Brown) and a typical 'bull in a china shop' on a bad day - and trust me - a bad bull is always a bull chilling in a china shop. A bad bull guy will become his bad mood and because bull's are slow at getting themselves going on anything, or making any decision, the bull will take just as long, if not longer to get out of their bad mood.

Pisces - He doesn't know what he wants but he knows he doesn't want to be alone. He's a fucking money borrowing, job hunting, under achieving child. He will marry you, he will marry your sister or your sister's best friend. All he knows is he doesn't want to be alone. Wait, did I already say that? He's sneaky and snake-like and he knows just what to say to get back into your good graces. Or maybe its more that he won't give up. This guy is so persistent that you've probably fucked him a few times just because he wouldn't leave you alone. He's perceptive, so he likely knew everything he needed to say to get you naked. He's a cheater and a womanizer and pansy at heart. He is the type of guy who might try to use his good looks and charms to milk the goods of a strong woman -don't be fooled you can't fix this junkie - and yeah he might literally be a junkie. The fish is always known to be prone to vices and addiction problems. Don't let his emotional vulnerability win you over - he's a fucker who doesn't know how to swim in any other direction but a circle.

Sag - He's a super selfish narcissist who only cares about his own agenda, which pretty much includes doing whatever the fuck he wants. He'll wine and dine you then drop you. He'll swoop you off your feet in adventure then leave you. He's cheap. He'll remind you of every penny he spent on you,and rub his good doings in your face, like "remember last night, what i did?" He'll pick up and leave whenever he wants and decide not to show up to things you deem as important simply because they don't appease his schedule or suit his personal bill. He's a workaholic-anal-hypochondriac prick who thinks he is perfect. No, honestly, he really is convinced that he has no flaws, just ask him.  He's doesn't like anybody but himself so this sort of makes this hard to take him anywhere cause yeah he won't go anyway.

Cancer - He's a moody -evil-face-making mother fucker who won't let you off the hook. He'll let you know what he doesn't like - all the time. Mr. Grumpy bear. Ok no cute nicknames, he's just fucking grumpy. He'll have a sour demeanor and make jokes about you all the time. He'll make jokes. Flirt with other women in front of you. Get into really serious bummer, funky moods where you actually feel so down you contemplate your own life. He'll actually withhold sex and cuddles and all the things you would think a normal guy couldn't live without. He's moody and stubborn and his emotions put him off sex like a woman. He might actually just suck in bed and lack drive or the will to do it. He might get really fat, sitting watching comedies, which he can't even laugh to anymore as eats ice cream by the pint and never once offers you any.

Leo- he's a fucking cheap-emotion hiding-people pleasing attention seeking whore. Honestly, he doesn't even care if you are there (unless you are bringing him his fresh cooked meal), even if he seems like the quiet Leo type he will never settle for being second fiddle to you. Leo needs to shine, even dick leo, so he doesn't really care about your feelings but more so how you make him feel. If you please this asshole's ego he will let you stick around, but the moment you outshine or start bringing your emotions and drama - is the moment you've got to get out of town - and quick. You might not even know it because Leo is such a show boat but this guy is secretly annoyed at you a whole lot more than you think. He's not going to give you anything without a price or a self gain. He might even just spend all his time with himself because again, he only truly cares for his own well being.

Scorpio - He's a fucking weirdo. The best way to put it. Totally weird and creepy and sexually retarded. Either he'll have a sexual addiction or think sex is something bad and will never be able to get it up. He might have some weird eerie fetish or an addiction to ink, bikes, sex, drugs, rock and roll. He's an emotionally twisted sicko who keeps everything to himself. He has dark, deep secrets, which have corrupted his ability to live happily and without the fear that no one is to be trusted. He doesn't know how to communicate anything, and even though he might try his inability to do this will cripple him. Ego will grow frail because the scorpion will essentially become a caged insect.

Virgo- The most selfish-ego obsessive - misogynistic - controlling- bastard you will ever meet. Expect the unexpected, the craziest of the crazy, and the worst of the worst. Kinky shit in bed. Moods you can't predict. He will be the bitchy, vulgar, PMSing woman in the relationship. He will spend a lot of time alone, possibly alone with his scotch, bottle of choice, muscle enhancers, weed etc. He's a bit OCD whether it be about how many times he showers, how clean his apartment is or how clean YOU are. He is hyper prone to detail and will be the first to notice physical imperfection. He'll criticize you more than any other sign because he secretly feels inadequate, and feels better about himself after cutting you down. This is the sign of verbal abuse and self-righteous bullshit.  Extremely stubborn and emotionally shut down. You will wait with bated breath for something that sounds like a compliment, but even kind words are soaked in disdain. Even more fucked, if he really likes you, he will likely be harder on you. Criticism is a form of love for this man. The shitty Virgo has a superiority complex, which leads him to falsely believe that he is better than others and therefore this makes it hard for him to connect with anyone. He also has a really fucked up relationship with his mother, which - either way- is going to play out really crappy.Virgo is contracted by the relationship he has with his mother and it is usually a very significant one.

Capricorn - Just boring. Either a total pompous, over driven, money hungry ass or a boring, mute piece of shit who has the same stamina of a slug. Heartless and cut throat, with the ability to abuse or discard at any time. Whatever works best for the Capricorn - and ego can be really big  here- too big. Shitty Capricorn will try to take over any room, any situation with an irritating cocky gusto, which makes you want to cringe. Low sex drive or always all the same moves. Bad Capricorn will pick on you. He will make fun of you. This is a form of entertain for the Capricorn who is wily to a fault. He will be hard to love and revert into highly predictable behavior that you tire of. His face says it all - sour grapes. He WILL be a control freak who reigns judgment and shows a contemptuous, and cold side on the regular. Terribly snobby (this is worse if he has money) and holds a yardstick (of his personal standards) up to others.There is bitter, bitter taste left in one's mouth in experiencing bad Capricorn male energy. His high standards come at the expense of hurt feelings and damaged egos.

Book Recommedation

Apparently this book is a great guide for women on how to "step out" and get what they desire in their relationships to the same degree that men do. Its emphasis is on retaining class, but also being sexually liberated and empowered. There is no shame girl, no shame at all. Get in the game. 

Thanks to the lovely Leo who told me about this book ;)

The Double Standard

 

It seems like an easy enough concept to grasp. As we pine in a world of gender roles hoping to shun certain stereotypes, which have been prescribed long before now. It seems simple. Women want to and should be treated as equal to men. Feminists don't hate men they simply do not want to be treated differently from them and this doesn't involve burning bras or trying to look ugly on purpose. If women are granted this right they too should be allowed to enjoy their sexuality through the same liberty, which a man expresses his. However, I would like to pose the question, are women really possible of doing this?

 And even if women are capable, does the double standard ever truly change? Will the "slut" stigma never go away...

• When women have sex a hormone called Oxytocin is released in their bodies making them bonded to the men they've slept with after orgasm, but also making them chemically reinforced by the person they are doing it with. The more a girl sleeps with a guy the more she is bonded. *aka you start to read into the behavior of your fuck buddy because you start to feel connected inside and out and start to find signs that he is thinking the same thing.
• This bond in turn makes it hard for women to become sexually promiscuous or to assume the "player role", which certain (not all) men do easily.
• Men don't form these bonds as commonly, or ever (in some cases) and often even after getting married will say things like, "I love my wife but I want a 100 more pussies." This doesn't mean that they WILL cheat it simply means that they have the desire to cheat.

                   Even the honorable president Obama can't help but notice these goods.

Women are beautiful, curvy creatures. As a wise young man once told me, "there is something beautiful about every women"and I agree. Women LOOK GOOD and this will make it harder for you to have the undivided attention of your male partner. So instead of playing the jealous card, you too should 'have the back' of your attractive female sisters and acknowledge her beauty oppose to feeling threatened by it. As another, not-so-wise (committed) man told me, "I still like to take a look at the menu." A notion I feel Obama might agree with. Why wouldn't you look? Its human nature ladies, so keep your fangs in tact, and don't assume that every girl talking to your man is trying to steal him. Security with yourself and with the affection you have from you man is attractive- showing insecurity is not.

It is astrologically possible for women to sleep with men in the same way guys do?

• In terms of the zodiac AIR sign is the most capable for women -Geminis, Libras and Aquarius  - they have the ability to get over stuff quickly and aren't as emotional as water sign types like Pisces, Cancers and Scorpios. It is harder for water signs to achieve 'player mentality' because they feel guilty and have personal concerns about sleeping with more than one person.This isn't true of the male signs however, Pisces is huge for cheating in the male form, just as is Scorpio, but not those really sweet nice boy Scorpios you meet, just the super secretive macho- what-the-fuck-IS- he thinking types - you-know-the type.
• Since Scorpio rules the groan and is the toughest of the water signs they are likely to be capable of a sexual relationship, which doesn't involve falling head over heels. Mores they can mate in the same animalistic fashion that men do.They will use you until it fits their bill and then they will cut you - but they usually still want to remain on amicable terms if possible. Water signs while emotions have the ability to let things go in time. They are super forgiving, but Scorpio will not forget your crossing IF its cost them your trust, and once distrusted you will be discarded.
• Taurus girl likes her sex (so hormones can win over her sensible head) but she enjoys stability more and would much rather a serious relationship no matter how slow it progresses. She doesn't willingly offer up her pride to anyone, and neither does Taurus male- do not even try to bruise this ego.
• Fire signs also can live it up (leo, Sag, Aries) because they need excitement, attention and concrete validation (words are not enough). Hooking up is a necessity to their well-being. They are capable of shopping around because guilt is lower here, and the motto 'if it feels good do it even if you shouldn't' often comes into play. Leo loves to be in love, but often resorts to many love affairs when not committed.

The only moral of this story ladies is don't think that SEX on the first date will affect whether or not you and a certain person will have chemistry. If there is a connection he is going to call regardless of what base you get to. Forming a relationship on a one night stand is NOT "the exception" you've heard about in movies like He's Just Not That Into You. I know many, many people who started out from a hook up or a hook up after the first date. When it comes to the right guy- there are no rules. So throw your rule book out now. And if you want to sleep with someone, don't think about it so much. Sex doesn't always have to 'mean' something. As a girl you know you might have to analyze it in some regard, either with your girlfriends or when alone. If you find that you truly can't detach yourself from sexual pleasure - don't. You don't have to sleep with guys to get their interest, but if you do like sex, don't feel like you can't be sexually casual because you are female. Don't feel like you have to play the prude card because wanting sex says something secret about your personality. Your not a ho for having sexual needs. Think FREE. One day you will likely be settled down with one man and you will, or you might,WISH that you took the time in your twenties or thirties to live it up and hook up with people you find attractive. Just please, please, if you are polygamous or are enjoying yourself casually and randomly, remember :

ONE

You know you hate it when people talk about "the one" like its some form of self completion, but more often than not you need to think of this "one talk" as a form of self reassurance. You are however old (insert number here) take a look at the years, which have passed and notice the number of potential partners (or past relationships), which have entered your life. Then think about how those potentials did not work out. Could this likely be that there is actually ONE person, which you are destine to be with and you simply have not met them yet? Of course you will have to go through a lot of frogs before the prince, if there is only ONE person that you end up with. My slogan is, "yes, you are single, but you are single for a REASON." And no this reason does not include the notion that you suffer from Murphy's Law, are Medusa or have the worst luck in the world when it comes to men. Everyone has the worst luck until they find the right person. And yes there is always that fucking asshole who claims to never having a bad track record with the opposite sex, but let's face it, the brutality is apart of the selection process. Nothing is wrong with you, some people simply find their partners later in life. I hate to say it though, for others, they might find a partner too quickly, settling for something 'good' when they could have something 'great'. Not every couple you know together right now is going to make it because sometimes we learn better in 'a thing' oppose to being outside 'of a thing'. Certain signs opt for solidarity while others crave security. You could probably force a relationship right now if you wanted, but it wouldn't be right and this is why your waiting, right? You're just not that desperate and that's a good thing.

But listen girl (and any boys if you have some to add to my list I would love to hear) here is a list of situations, which thematically will likely cross your path during the dating game. It doesn't mean your crazy or destine to die alone. You'd be surprised by how many other women/men have experienced similar shit experiences.

1) You meet a guy at a club - he feeds you sweet nothings- you go home with him - you try to date him - he pretends he cares then tells you he still has feelings for his EX/is getting back with her - done.

2) You meet a guy and right off the bat he tells you he is emotionally unavailable, never had a serious relationship and keeps a distance between himself and everyone else. He also tells you how good looking he is and how often he gets cruised - RUN.

3) You meet a guy who like to meet/greet every girl more than once at least once a day - even though he has a GF he tries to make you feel special and is constantly flirting/watching you. Remember, if anything does happen with you two, he's going to do the same thing to you, can you handle it?

4) He just started sleeping with you and already he is punching out your harmless ginger friend who he sees you talking with at the bar - RUN.

5) You go over to his house and you find other girl's earrings, barrettes, and possibly a used condom wrapper or a long unfamiliar hair, and yet he doesn't seem to show any shame. This is the 'using honesty as my get out jail free' guy. His I don't give a fuck 'tude basically says. 'take it or leave it'. SO....take it or leave it.

6) You sleep with a guy and he gets all religious and Christian on your ass during and after. Telling you he's worried you made a baby, and sleeping together on the first night is bad. He feels guilty - he has sinned -he can't see you again - you shouldn't see him either.

7) You invite a guy to the bar (after a few night of previous passion) and when you come out from the bathroom you see him making out with your friend. Get a new guy and maybe some new friends while your at it?

8) You meet a guy who always texts you back, maybe even on the weekends, but never directly asks you out or shows true interest through a sexy compliment. Don't waste your time, this guy is just craving attention and likes the validation, plus he's lonely and will use you for his own comfort of knowing girls are texting him...you don't have to be one of them.  Trust me, he literally gets excited that he's getting texts, it makes him feel like the man, but this guy is a serious pansy type.


9) You make a date with a guy or what you THINK is a date. This is the guy who invites you over to his house but doesn't ask you out, and when you show up the guy is wearing a wife beater and underwear and wants to watch the princess bride with you and his roommates, but before he movie can end, two chicks from Lavalife.com show up just to say "hi." If this has happen to you, you are allowed a couple of emo days to feel like you have shitty luck with men because this scenario is actually shitty, and kind of hilarious too.

10) You meet a guy/girl who is really quiet and annoyingly introverted during the day, but when drunk expresses feeling and is a lot of fun. You find yourself drinking on a Monday, or wanting to spike their drink while their in the washroom - this is a doomed situation.


11) He/she goes home with another person the next time you see them - which is likely directly after you've just slept with him - move on. They are giving you a direct hint.

12)He/she courts you, sweeps you off your feet, and makes you feel like a million bucks. Then they drop the bomb on you that they are dating someone else and offer you their t-shirt to sleep in or their bobby pin to put up your hair - probably not the most sensitive of creatures - you won't be able to handle the mistress role for long.

As you can see, there are many, many different types of red flags, which you can chose to avoid, but I say enjoy these experiences. One day you will be old and boring, you might as well endure a little crap to give your life some interest - while you still can. These encounters don't make you unlucky they actually make you more likely to meet the right person one day. The more people you meet/write off the better because you will be thaaaat much closer to eliminating all the wrong people, and in turn, will know what you want/won't put up with a lot better.  So if you have a top 12 list of shitty situations where it didn't work out - don't be sad - be happy - because it shows you that people ARE attracted to you even if they happen to be emotionally unavailable. Eventually a person who IS on your emotional frequency will show interest in you. It's only a matter of time...so don't think too much ...plan some personal goals...and then let the attractions happen naturally. If you find you only discover more 'what not to date' dudes and ladies - don't worry - someone good is gonna pop up, but likely when your randomly doing you, not thinking about it, possibly even wearing your casual 'not trying to look hot' outfit. Keep sifting. October brings out the crazy, but it also brings out the costumes, this is a GREAT month to meet people for casual encounters and dating. People are feeling spicy but also cold...they'll need someone to warm up to.

I will be updating "the list" so if anyone has horror stories I would love to hear them!!! There are a million more, and while many might shed the theme that a guy will say anything to get you into bed, even if there is someone one else or he's not really available because his ex-finance beat him up and that's why she's his ex fiance - don't take it personally, and don't think OMG I'm such a slut, I'm not going to sleep with any more dudes - because you're not. It doesn't matter. With the right person there are no rules. Withholding sex isn't going to trap you a man. If your not right, your not right, fucking on the first date won't change that - just like it will NOT decrease the chances that he is.